As IF Times

link NYC Asks Food Manufacturers To Cut Salt Content – wcbstv.com

It’s getting tougher and tougher to keep on the right side of the modern politically correct, nanny culture that we’ve all embraced. It was bad enough that scientists have disparaged all manner and type of enjoyment, confection and amusement because of perceived detrimental effects. I guess you could argue that to demonize smokers was a good thing, since the idea of inhaling fumes that had just been in someone else’s lungs is pretty icky. Not to mention that smokers in general tend to be a slovenly lot, casting their spent butt ends all over the place. Is there anything more disgusting than looking at cigarette butts crushed into the remnants of a dish at the end of a meal?

But over the years, if you’ve avoided all the things that the authorities have claimed are bad for you, it’s possible you would not be alive, having died of malnutrition. Over the past few decades, the list of tsk tsk items have included:

eggs, coffee, milk, white bread, red meats, cheese, fish, shellfish, butter, ice cream, potato chips, cookies, candy, donuts, fried chicken, french fries and “fast food” in general. Hmm this looks like my weekly shopping list.

Oddly, many modern diets have espoused the virtues of eggs and red meats for their high protein benefits and coffee has seen a resurgence as a beneficial food as well as fish and of course the fast food at Subway. Just ask Jared. Strangely, margarine at one time was touted as preferable to butter, now we’ve swung back the other way. You seldom see any cooking shows or recipes calling for margarine in their mix.

Where it gets a little dicey are the arcane constituents of foods. For instance, fats per se aren’t bad for you, only certain trans and mono fats whatever those are. Maybe it’s no coincidence that Emeril Lagasse does not have a show on the Food Network anymore. I recall he never met a fat he didn’t like.

So now, the guardians of our well being (at least in NY) are pushing to move SALT from our diets. Apparently, we ingest far too much salt in forms we don’t even realize and this leads us towards the health out of bounds markers. So pressing is this crisis that they will eventually make it illegal for restaurants and food companies to exceed certain salt levels in their products. In other words, save us from ourselves, like it or not.

Boy, this is going to spur some changes in our society. Like smokers, willful salt ingesters will have to huddle in doorways outside of buildings sprinkling salt on their meals. There of course will be new camaraderies as people share shakers like lighters. Of course, people will try to quit, but can’t, therefore salt patches will be available for those who are weak. Naturally, there will be large letter warnings on salt packages and minors will not be able to obtain them.

There may be the emergence of underground restaurants where they freely use salt and other seasonings, like the speakeasies of old where you have to whisper, “Charlie sent me” through a sliding slot in a door to get in. The companies that make shakers will be severely squeezed since now only pepper shakers are acceptable on dining tables. With the passage of time and the acceptance of salt as socially evil, even common speech aphorisms will have to be modified. Someone is now the “oregano of the earth”, or we will consider someones opinions with ” a grain of nutmeg”. I’m sure it’ll sound better in 10 years.

link How Warren Beatty slept his way to the top | Mail Online

Tiger and Hugh are pikers compared to our hero Warren. Applying a little arithmetic to this claim and using the assumption that Warren’s ambitions started at 15 and is now 60 plus or minus, we have a 45 year career. So 12,775 into that gives 283.88 women per year on average, 284 if we round up to give benefit of doubt. I’m sure we know people who haven’t brushed their teeth or gone to the bathroom that many times in that span.

So, on average, every 1.28 days, our hero deflowered another willing (presumably)maiden (also assumed). While Wilt Chamberlain also claimed to have bedded lots of gals, his number is more vague: some say 10,000, some say 20,000; how does a guy keep count after 9700 anyway?

Back to Warren, who as some may know, was an actor during his time off chasing Wilt’s record. He must have been paid a heck of a lot of dough for the few times he part-time acted because the practical cost of maintaining his busy lifestyle must have been national debt-esque. Imagine the laundry bills of this guy for sheets alone even allowing for some activity outside of the home stadium. What about lubes, gels and the cost of regular penicillin shots? How could he keep up a home and pay utility bills or even have time to eat if 90% of his time is spent with his eyes half closed? If he was gallant, think of the cost of ‘you were special to me’ cards, although he probably got bulk discounts on those; let’s not forget money spent on the thank you for coming parting gifts.

It’s a wonder the guy even wore pants; surely it would have been more expedient to walk around in a toga or at the very least, a kilt. Of course, there is another plausible explanation. It could be that his brain functions were fouled up because, well because all the blood was elsewhere. He may have been counting, but like a record with a skip in it, the number jumped; 4,5,6,112 and so it went. As a matter of fact, it’s a medical marvel that he has managed to live as long as he has considering the small amount of time that blood was actually circulating in his brain.

But a guy like Warren can harness such skill for the benefit of mankind if he really wants to cement his legacy. He should be giving lessons on dating to Muslim extremists. Those guys have to blow themselves up to get the kind of action Warren gets between breakfast and dinner. Why not write a book or create a how to video series for these shy guys. This is a win win idea for every one. Warren gets to pass on his natural skills; The erstwhile suicide guys get some real life action and therefore cuts off the supply of human fuses for the terrorist groups and women who had always wanted to bed Warren (if there are any left who haven’t) can benefit from his teachings vicariously.

Interestingly, Warren has recently given some hints at running for office when he’s not running to the shower. I can see his slogan now, SERVE MAN, SERVICING WOMEN!