As IF Times

link Soda Wars: Michelle Obama tells kids to drink water | WashingtonExaminer.com.

I suppose it’s a noble thing to use your position of influence to persuade others to do good things.  Issues  and conditions that affect many people but which require financial support to ameliorate are worthwhile causes.  Jerry Lewis has been associated with the Muscular Dystrophy cause for decades and of course Pamela Anderson has been linked to PETA.  World hunger, AIDS, etc etc etc all have their champions.  When Nancy Reagan was the First Lady, she took it upon herself to fight drug use via the famous “Just Say No” campaign.

It gets increasingly harder to find worthwhile causes that haven’t been associated with celebrities.  Michelle Obama finds herself in this pickle and so initially decided to wage a war on fat, especially among kids.  The first pass was to introduce, actually mandate the creation of legumes and veggies onto school lunch menus.  Yum!  Oddly, children weren’t particularly fond of arugula and carrot sticks…go figure.

As this campaign is as successful as the humus dip at a Denny’s, a logical idea then was to make success easier to achieve.  How about the idea of drinking…water!  It would be much easier to point to statistics that will eventually show that the program was working, kids are drinking water! We do have some reservations about getting  kids to buy into this though.  Smart Alecs will say “Water? that’s the stuff they flush toilets with!”.  No doubt there will be expensive public service campaigns expounding the virtues of drinking water with accompanying instructions on how to do it properly.  Let’s see, right hand on tap, turn clockwise…do not overfill!  Pamphlets will be distributed in schools and billboards created to ensure maximum exposure.  Facebook pages will be created on which you can “like” water.  As an accompaniment, there will also be supplementary instructions on other confusing things that children may need help with.

Breathing for example: techniques for proper air ingestion.  Let’s not forget walking instructions.  There will be discussions on the necessity of alternating feet.

I hereby wish to contribute my suggestion for how to tackle the devastating issues of child obesity and water consumption simultaneously.

Let’s remove all water faucets from homes.  Let’s direct water only to large cisterns that regionally serve communities.  To get water, children must walk some arbitrary distance, let’s say 2 miles, to carry buckets of water back to the home for consumption.   In many African countries, they are way ahead of us on this.  We combine exercise with utility, sheer genius.  Have you ever seen a fat African kid? Sometimes the old ways are the best.

Next: breathing in and out. And walking tips, is it necessary to alternate feet?

My Way News – Bin Laden blasts US for climate change.

As if.  Now we can be pretty certain this guy’s up there with 20 virgins.  First of all, there have been no sightings of him for over 8 years, his only contact being through audio tapes of scoldings to the west.  Secondly, you would think with all the resources of the western military on alert looking for him that some intelligence would have leaked as to his whereabouts if he was still directing  jihadists. Thirdly, someone in the vast network of jihadists would have given this guy up for money if they had a chance.  In a part of the world where dirt floors makes you middle class, $10,000, 000 is a pretty good incentive to fink on him in order to look after your family.  Maybe move them to France.

Now we are to believe that  Bin Laden cares about…global warming???? Next thing you know, he’ll be sending a delegation to the next climate summit (by car of course, not by air) and rubbing elbows with Al and the Nobel gang.  Now, I admit there still exists the possibility that Bin Laden is still breathing and that this latest message to the west is a shrewdly planned campaign to recruit sympathetic climate kooks from the west to his side.  It’s good marketing on the part of his PR consultants to position his brand on the side of righteousness since killing the infidels doesn’t play well with all demographics according to polls.

The chances are however that it is the residuals of his gang that are putting out these new missives.  The next group to be brought on side will be young women of the west.  This can be accomplished by invoking support for PETA.  In that circumstance, you will have climate changers, PETA and Bin Laden the new climate guru on the same side!! 

We’re not sure how he’s going to reconcile the aims of Jihad standing next to nude PETA girls at fundraisers though.   If you read the story, you will also note that he pushes for abandonment of the U.S. dollar as a world currency.  Hmm.  Could this be an attempt to devalue the bounty on his head?  Maybe the bounty should be changed instead to carbon credits.