As IF Times

link Iranian cleric defends earthquake-promiscuity link.

There must be some restlessness among the natives.  The Islamic cleric in the article seems to be trying to quell the waters of discontent or perhaps address growing skepticism among once blindly faithful followers by issuing this new theory on hell.  Some smart Ahmed may have posed the question of why the West isn’t under constant earthquakes if their promiscuity and sinning ways are so vile.  The answer offered is that there are deeper pits of hell for the really bad sinners.  If the threat of going to that permanently warm spot wasn’t scary enough, now we learn that there may be levels of hell! 

As is the case with all wars from the beginning of time, they are fought by young boys being sent to their deaths by old men.  If the vision of the afterlife that is portrayed by the clerics is so wonderful why aren’t they already up there going through their inventory of virgins?  Or are they content to suffer mortal life while the younger, dumber guys go on to permanent bliss? 

The notion that there may be different levels of hell for the sinning Westerners is supposed to be a comforting thought for the jihadists.  Heck, not only for them but also if you happen to be a sinning Westerner.  According to the cleric, there are levels of hell, like an inverse condominium.  The mild sinners occupy the top levels but the elevator buttons would show descending floors in a panel with increasingly negative numbers.  If promiscuity itself is something to be banished to hell for, you’d have a fair number of people up at the top floors.  Some moderately promiscuous sinners such as basketball athletes and porn stars would occupy the middle levels.  At the very very deepest levels, your only neighbours would be Warren Beatty, Wilt Chamberlain and Hugh Hefner.  It would be 3 day’s travel in the elevator to get that deep.

If promiscuity brought on earthquakes and natural disasters, the only solid land mass left on the earth would be Antarctica, unless you count the indiscretions of penguins.   It’s all fine to threaten eternal damnation, fire, brimstone etc, to keep the rabble in line and in fact perhaps even desirable in the mortal world.  If people didn’t believe there were special places in hell for the truly heinous among us, it would be difficult to have faith in anything.  For the information of the cleric however, there already is an hell on earth for promiscuous sinners.  It’s called herpes.

My Way News – Bin Laden blasts US for climate change.

As if.  Now we can be pretty certain this guy’s up there with 20 virgins.  First of all, there have been no sightings of him for over 8 years, his only contact being through audio tapes of scoldings to the west.  Secondly, you would think with all the resources of the western military on alert looking for him that some intelligence would have leaked as to his whereabouts if he was still directing  jihadists. Thirdly, someone in the vast network of jihadists would have given this guy up for money if they had a chance.  In a part of the world where dirt floors makes you middle class, $10,000, 000 is a pretty good incentive to fink on him in order to look after your family.  Maybe move them to France.

Now we are to believe that  Bin Laden cares about…global warming???? Next thing you know, he’ll be sending a delegation to the next climate summit (by car of course, not by air) and rubbing elbows with Al and the Nobel gang.  Now, I admit there still exists the possibility that Bin Laden is still breathing and that this latest message to the west is a shrewdly planned campaign to recruit sympathetic climate kooks from the west to his side.  It’s good marketing on the part of his PR consultants to position his brand on the side of righteousness since killing the infidels doesn’t play well with all demographics according to polls.

The chances are however that it is the residuals of his gang that are putting out these new missives.  The next group to be brought on side will be young women of the west.  This can be accomplished by invoking support for PETA.  In that circumstance, you will have climate changers, PETA and Bin Laden the new climate guru on the same side!! 

We’re not sure how he’s going to reconcile the aims of Jihad standing next to nude PETA girls at fundraisers though.   If you read the story, you will also note that he pushes for abandonment of the U.S. dollar as a world currency.  Hmm.  Could this be an attempt to devalue the bounty on his head?  Maybe the bounty should be changed instead to carbon credits.