Harmful if Swallowed
link: Things People Said: Warning Labels
Being the handyman that I am, I purchased a bottle of drain cleaner to unstop my bathroom vanity. As I waited for the chemicals to do their magic, I read the label on the package to kill time. Turns out time wouldn’t be the only thing killed if I happened to ingest any of this potent chemical cocktail, for in bold letters, the label stated ‘HARMFUL IF SWALLOWED, SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION’
I shudder to think about why the manufacturers of this delightful liquid would feel the need to print such a warning on a fairly obviously noxious product. So I cast about the house looking at other products and devices which as we all know, carry their own particular warning attachments. Some amusing stuff, but since this is the Internet age, doing a search engine scan turned up the above site which compiles a pretty good list of product warnings apparently collected from a warehouse worth of goods that we regularly use.
Those of you who are students of humor know that behind all really good humor is irony and it is the irony of truth which is both funny and sad. In the case of warning labels, let’s assume that they are not attached out of simple motherly, altruistic concern for the end user, but rather on the advice of high paid (is there any other kind?)lawyers. My guess is that getting your company sued out from under you is a better motivation to act than concern for a few burnt taste buds.
So there it is. I blame lawyers. Not for being lawyers of course, that’s just plain crazy. That’s like blaming dogs for barking. No, the fact is, our western society must have some enzyme or food additive that nurtures and enhances the gene that turns out people who are willing to interpret and make laws that help society. The out sized influence on society and handsome financial rewards are no deterrent, aspirant lawyers brave these hardships despite them.
But let me present another perspective. I blame lawyers for dooming western society. Never mind global warming, how about global stupidity. If we did not have such well crafted laws governing every aspect of our lives and creating the warning label industry, we’d have a much smaller global population, at least in the western world and hence less of a carbon footprint.
If labels had not been printed on certain consumer products, who knows how many of the weaker of our herd would have been weeded out by incidents of showering with hair dryers, using rotary drills as dental devices, or drinking of drain cleaner for that insatiable thirst.
Do we as a society need to have our gene pool diluted by those that must to be told that knives are sharp, that dice are not for human consumption or would iron clothes on their body? I for one feel we would be better off without those who need to be warned not to drive cars in the ocean. Of the last 58 times you’ve been on a plane, can you remember when the flight attendant failed to tell you how to buckle a seat belt?
There’s a burgeoning campaign going on which purports that smoking may cause the odd health problem. Hopefully, the word gets out, but since the campaign is only 40 years old, somebody may have missed the message. Did you ever notice that when police arrest a suspect, no matter how violent they may be, they take extra caution to ensure they don’t bump their heads when placing them in the back seat of the cruiser?
This path of protecting the vacuous has positioned the first world/western nations firmly as the leading contributors to global stupidity. We look hopefully for this sinister trend to be recognized and championed by some leading and influential figure before we’re all suckling at the nipple of the nanny state. Darwin would be spinning in his grave observing the wilful dilution of society’s herd.