As IF Times

link Frenchman ordered to pay wife damages for lack of sex – Telegraph.

Well what a slippery slope this is.  You can literally hear the stampede of lawyers rushing to the boardrooms as they huddle to quantify exactly what ‘adequate’ is when it comes to conjugal activities between husbands and wives.  When you think about it, there is very little reference to those duties in the normal wedding vows.  Oh sure, “I promise to be faithful” etc etc, but that doesn’t imply any threshold of performance within the marriage.  It’s not as if there’s a line in the wedding registry which the couple signs spelling out the amount or frequency expected in the new marriage.

And of course, there are loopholes.  Let’s say instead of a regularly scheduled amount of sex extending into infinity, the couple chooses the lump sum course of action, sort of like taking the lottery proceedings in a discounted payout.  In this scenario there is guaranteed level of action for a set period of time.  What happens when this threshold gets reached?  I mean really, if the couple  are possessed of more than the normal levels of hormones, they can rifle through the quota within the first 2 or 3 years.  Then what? Is there any further liability or obligation?

What about sex in kind?  An activity can be substituted for sex which accrues a credit.  For example, shopping for shoes can count as a credit…actually that would be more like 3 credits.  Watching any chick movie involving Matthew McConaughey and or Kate Hudson will count for at least 10.  If there’s a constant flow of affectionate but non physical behaviour, can these constitute as credits as well?

Then there are the issues of duration and quality. Do both have to agree that the encounter was satisfactory? You can easily see that this aspect will be open to contentious dispute.  What are the financial penalties involved in non-performance?  Lawyers will be bursting with new business.  But it’s not just lawyers.  When you think about it, there are going to be lots of defaults on ‘contracts’.  The logical action is to protect oneself against financial ruin in the case of non performance .  Enter…Insurance!  In the not too far future, couples will buy rings, take a blood test and buy nuptial insurance to start their futures together.  This will be commonly referred to as “Putout Insurance”. As well as showing off the size of the engagement rings, they can compare the size of their insurance policies.  “Oh you are so lucky, it’s so big!! He must really love you!”

Nothing says romance like a big payout.