As IF Times The Anti Fake News

November 24, 2011

Occupy Durban

link Climate change: vulnerable countries consider occupying Durban talks | Environment | The Guardian.

Again for amusement, note the new moniker now widely used in place of the Global Warming label when the hysteria was first fabricated.  Climate Change is officially version 2.0.  This was of course necessary in the face of historically cold conditions afflicting the planet over the past 5 years.  As a protester, it was somewhat problematic to be holding a global warming sign while wearing mittens and a toque selling the notion that the world was minutes away from a perma heat wave.  A branding company was hired, and voila, Climate Change was adopted.  That way, everything was covered.  Freak snow in July?  AHA! Climate Change!  Rain in the Sahara? The end must be near.  Fewer bees in the backyard? Again, climate change.  They began claiming links between people’s mood swings and soaring crime rates to the effects of climate change; the opportunities  for expensive academic studies in this field  are endless.  One thing could be tracked for sure, the correlation of stupidity and the cacophony of Climate Change bleaters.

Now the gang are adopting a tactic from the Occupy crowd and apparently diplomats are going to stage sit-ins at this year’s conference site of choice, Durban.  As I’ve wondered before, why don’t they ever hold these conferences in less expensive places, Siberia for instance? This kind of event would do wonders for the local economy.   Of course having diplomats doing sit-ins rather than the rag tag hippies that usually populate these things may not sell as well since they’ll likely have assistants bringing them canapes and mixed drinks.

Numerous spokesmen have earnestly decried the lack of ‘tangible’ solutions.  This guy, Jorge Arguello who is the august chair of the powerful “G77 coalition of 131 countries and China” (is there anyone left out?) states the following:

“…[We] trust to see in Durban a fair and equal treatment of all issues that are important to all parties. A serious imbalance in the progress of issues can clearly not be conducive to a successful, comprehensive and balanced outcome…”

The only thing clear is that he does not have a command of English.  This statement is the usual political gibberish which in itself is a contributor to noxious hot air.

Of course, the usual warnings are pushed out again, since they seemed to arouse so much passion before.  The expected ‘imminent and catastrophic’ warnings are used again.  That kind of stuff didn’t work for the crazed Preacher Harold Camping this past May, see http://asiftimes.com/2011/05/22/mass-delusion/ when he was predicting the end of the world this year.  Actually, wouldn’t that be more urgent than a bit of extra sunshine?

And finally, the conclusive proof that a humanitarian disaster is just around the corner; according to a credible person quoted for this article,

“…Sheik Hasina, the prime minister of Bangladesh, said: “Climate change caused over 300,000 additional deaths last year. We the vulnerable countries suffer the most for our limited coping capacities. Bangladesh and other vulnerable countries cannot wait for international response to climate causes … we are implementing 134 climate change adaptation and mitigation action plans…”

How this is determined is very interesting.  So they are telling the public that in a part of the world where non dirt floors would put you in the middle class, where water has to be sourced by buckets and where washroom facilities are wherever you can find an empty hole, that climate change has been a contributor to deaths.  Is there a tick box on the death certificates under a list of possible causes such as cholera, infection, dysentery, crushed by an ox, which specifically categorizes Climate Change as a cause?  Holy cow!  Is it contagious?  If so, I wonder if you catch it from standing around in an Occupy protest?  Up to now, you could only catch ringworm or herpes from them.

So as usual, the hysteria and hyperbole machines are in high gear again, trying to convince people to fund laughable schemes of ‘sustainability’ but which actually means money transfers from the U.S. to the rest of the world…much like the financing model for the U.N.  The cause would be aided greatly if these earnest charlatans  got from place to place in rowboats and bicycles instead of planes, trains and automobiles.  Until then, it’s like Occupiers texting on iPhones to find the next protest site.

 

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October 3, 2011

Dumb People Are Next

link Denmark Introduces ‘Fat Tax’ on Foods High in Saturated Fat – ABC News.

The mind races at the likely repercussions from this new law.  Today it’s a tax on fat, but the zealots will want to push it more and really get to the root of the problem.  Cows.  There will soon be a tax on cows, or even a push to outlaw them.  Taxes will also spike for any who dare to operate in the dairy industry since they will be seen as enablers to cows.  That might actually not be much of a hardship anyway since the world is moving towards the farming of cannabis as a more healthy and benign farm crop.  In addition, it’s well known that cows give off gasses that contribute mightily to Global Warming, so banning cows can actually have a two ‘fer benefit.

Once this train of logic gets going however, it’s a sure thing that the next areas to be targeted are clothing manufacturers and those industries that make fabric.   There will be a tax on plus sized garments so that fat people won’t be able to afford to buy clothes.   Of course you can’t make fat garments illegal, that would be preposterous.  But you can make it difficult for fat people to be seen in public.  Not that this doesn’t have benefits.  We’d no longer have to look at Michael Moore on TV for example.

Immediately, we can think of new companies that spring up to capitalize on the anti fat people dictates, especially if there’s new financial incentive.  To help people eat less, companies will start to market two tined forks.  This will make eating of large volumes of food difficult and the added strokes required to eat the same volume of food will actually be an aerobic exercise as well.  Sheer genius.  By the same token, they will make smaller plates and smaller cups, since larger plates and cups would of course carry punishing taxes.  There will be pictures of grossly obese people printed on packages of ice cream and soda pop as public service warnings. 

The trend will be towards making food products that are less and less appealing to the palate, making eating less of an enjoyable pursuit.  As society progresses, the proliferation of food pellets will be the norm as people ingest the optimal amount of nutrients according to a national standard.  Rogue elements of society would still eat real food, but they will be pariahs as they huddle outside of office buildings eating sandwiches and enduring the condescending glares of law abiding citizens as they pass by.

Of course, the transition away from butter will not be complete without changes in popular phrases and idioms as well.  No longer will politicians use the phrase, “butter not guns” and in business, you’d have to “margarine somebody up”.  Now you can only say, “smooth as unsaturated vegetable product”. 

It’s only a matter of time before they get to cheese and Oreos.

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