link Dinosaurs farted their way to extinction, British scientists say | Fox News.
The implications of this ‘news story’ are mind boggling. While I am certainly not in a position to scientifically question the astounding conclusion of this study, if these scientists’ claims are valid, some big changes are going to happen to our society.
The very first thing that comes to mind is the concept of being a vegetarian. As astute readers of the article will notice, most of these behemoth monsters were actually vegetarians, consuming mainly plants and trees, albeit by the acre, Michael Moore-like. As most consumers of beans and legumes are aware, consumption of such stuff can lead to embarrassing moments in crowded elevators. Apparently, the dinosaurs had the same issues millions of years ago and they gassed themselves to extinction. Logically, we can only extrapolate that vegetarian humans are actually harming our present environment and therefore they should be stopped immediately before it’s too late.
If we were able to monitor the air over San Francisco, Los Angeles or Vancouver, there’s a certainty that the air quality would show higher than the normal measures of toxic gases, which we can now trace to rampant vegetarianism among their populace. People may be forgiven who had thought that BS emanating from these cities were responsible for the bad air. Of course, this gas issue is already known by those who are participants in Yoga classes. They should immediately form an organization called STOP generating annoying smells, or STOP GAS.
If human vegetarians are a menace to society, then so are all herbivores. For years, there were theories that cows were in fact the greatest contributors to global warming due to their release of methane gas from eating grass. Now, the fickle finger of blame is zeroing in on these dangerous animals. This dangerous list of herbivores will include goats, sheep, deer, elephants and giraffes too. All of these creatures are hastening the doom of mankind. It turns out that eating meat is not only tasty, it’s also green and socially responsible! Eating broccoli is bad after all!
Another implication of this story is that scientists seem to have the ability to discern the cause of events looooong past their occurrence by persistent and ingenious sleuthing. Even though dinosaurs died off a few million years ago, apparently the cause of their demise is evident even now, as if it were a slightly cold CSI case and the chalk outline was in clear view. It’s hard to believe that the dinosaur conclusion wasn’t arrived at sooner. It was right under our noses; all that was needed was to stitch a bunch of seemingly unrelated pieces of evidence together as if it were a Mississippi trial. This should scare all criminals. The truth will come out eventually, although perhaps a few million years down the road. It will only be a matter of time before they apply modern science to unravel some of the true puzzles of modern life; such as the mystery of Jimmy Hoffa’s disappearance or how they get the caramilk in a caramilk bar.
