As IF Times

link How Al Gore Offered Keith Olbermann a Job – The Hollywood Reporter.

A stretch of credibility already.  It says in the article that:

“…Current averaged 18,000 homes in primetime for fourth quarter 2010, lower than any other network measured by Nielsen…”

Current TV is the network founded by the inventor of the Internet,  Al, we’re all gonna die, Gore.  The curious statistic of 18,000 viewers can possibly be attributed to:

a) a computer glitch which added two too many zeroes to the count

b) tv’s left on when people have died

c) the handful of zealots in San Francisco who think continents will be submerged on any upcoming day that ends in a ‘y’

d) the Gore family owning 17,946 tv’s.

It really is a tribute to America that the Nobel prize winner still commands an audience, no matter how nominal, even when his entire life’s work has been soundly discredited.  Except of course the Internet thing.   That may still have legs.   The whole Global warming kabuki reminds me of the scene in the classic 1983 movie, Trading Places, starring Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy.  In one of the final scenes, the evil Duke brothers are begging and pleading with people to come back to the trading pits after being ruined by bad trades.  

So now, Keith Olbermann is being added to the lineup in order to bolster ratings.  That would be like making the cast of The Golden Girls put on miniskirts to attract viewers.  Mr. Olbermann is touted as once the cornerstone of ESPN sports, a claim that is as laughable as saying the TV series Baywatch was popular because of David Hasselhoff.  I’m not sure how much you could pay Olbermann given that he’s used to multi million dollar paychecks from MSNBC, which is under new management.  MSNBC of course stood for, Mainstream News By Coercion, or Mainly Silly News Bashing Conservatives.   If current TV has only 18,000 (claimed) viewers, what is the revenue model that would allow them to pay Olbermann more than free sandwiches and Starbucks to offer his talents?  It’s possible that he’s doing it gratis in order to have a soapbox for his insightful soliloquies.

In any case, he will have found his kindred spirit at Current TV with Al Gore since no one listens to him anymore.  But if the Gore clan sells any of the TV sets in their 900,000 square foot home, ratings will crater.

link  UN to appoint space ambassador to greet alien visitors – Telegraph.

This only sounds preposterous at first.  The more you think about it, the more ridiculously laughable this becomes.  Let’s put aside for a moment the possibility of extra terrestrial aliens arriving one day to contact earth.  I think we can all accept that.  Actually it’s almost preposterous to think that aliens haven’t already visited at one time or another over the centuries for a long weekend or just a curiosity stop.  But assuming that they haven’t and the first upcoming visit is novel, do we really want someone from the U.N. as our contact person?

Does it make sense to allow some U.N. goofball to intone,  “Welcome to earth, how was your trip?”  He would be as representative of earthlings as Ru Paul would be of women.  What if they came in a huge gas guzzler? Would they be allowed to land?  What if they just needed to fill up with some fluids and decided to empty say, Lake Erie?  What if all they needed was some food, so they take some Wildebeest, some hogs and oh maybe some truckloads of Asians, since there seems to be plenty of those. 

Let’s not kid ourselves, no one is going to give a rat’s ass if aliens appear unless, a) they bring some cool souvenirs, like transmogrifiers or time travel boxes, or b) they threaten humankind, in which case, everyone’s on their own.  When the aliens offer the cliche line, ” Take me to your leader”,  it will be met with bemused stares, especially if they land in Los Angeles, in which case, they’ll be introduced to some gang guy named Chico.  Actually, landing anywhere on the coasts of the U.S. would not create a stir at all since any strangeness of appearance would blend right in with the locals.

If they land in Texas, they’ll probably get shot at since they’re funny looking foreigners.  If they happen to land in China, God help them because someone is going to try to eat them.  Meanwhile, how will this U.N. ambassador train for his role?  Will he start learning to speak in clicks and pops?  Will he learn to play music and lights as per the movie Close Encounters Of The Third Kind?  Where would he learn alien etiquette? Are their women good looking?  I offer an idea as to how we can impress them with our advanced civilizations.  Give them our visionary politicians as a going away gift.  Al Gore pops to mind. At least we’ll find out if they have a sense of humor.