As IF Times

This entry will be updated almost weekly given the more than ample contributors to this, the As IF quote hall of shame, a tradition since 2009. Politicians may be over represented in this hall of shame and some in particular more than most. Remember, none of these are made up, some are lifted from other compilers; (ie www.allgreatquotes.com)

“In the long run we can’t continue to spend as if deficits don’t have consequences, as if waste doesn’t matter, as if the hard earned tax dollars of the American people can be treated like monopoly money…” — Barack Obama

“I can make a firm pledge, under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes…” — Barack Obama

“Most of us weren’t born in Amerioa at some point in our lives” — Howard Dean

“Lesbians make better parents than a man and a woman.” — Stephen Scott, of the British Academy of Parenting Practitioners.

“You keep kicking people, and people will leave. Simple as that.” — Richard Daley, Chicago mayor, saying Oprah Winfrey is ending her show because of how she’s criticized in the media.

“I wish they caught me six years ago, eight years ago.” — Bernie Madoff, jailed financier and Ponzi schemer, in newly released interview with representatives of the US Securities and Exchange Commission.

“I had to hold my nose and stop those firms from failing.” — Ben Bernanke, US Fed chairman, citing fears of a second Great Depression to explain why he used taxpayer money to bail out firms like AIG last fall.

“Why? Because I’m a black man in America?” — Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. accusing police officer of racism during robbery investigation; Gates was trying to pry open front door of his home in Cambridge, Mass., when onlooker called 911.

“When you face such an overwhelming challenge as global climate change, it can be daunting – it’s kind of like trying to lose weight.” — US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

“I am an international leader, the dean of the Arab rulers, the king of kings of Africa, and the imam of Muslims. My status does not allow me to descent to a lower level.” — Col. Gadaffi of Libya, at a meeting of Arab leaders in Qatar.

“I promise you, I get it. I will not spend a single penny for the purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive.” — US President Barack Obama.

“Why should I have that guy running down the country? Who the fuck is he?” — British Business Secretary Peter Mandelson on Starbucks owner Howard Schultz saying British economy was in a spiral.

“The United States won’t quit trying to destroy the revolution,” –Fidel Castro, referring to the armed rebellion that brought his brother Fidel to power on New Year’s Day 1959.

“The Democrats intend to lead the most honest, most open and most ethical congress in history.”–Nancy Pelosi.

link Matthew DeBord: Tiger Woods Is So, So, So Much Bigger Than Golf

As if. So much ink has been spilled on the recently exposed adventures of Eldrick Woods that I’ve avoided adding any more to the pool of opinions out in Lake Tsk Tsk. This piece however, begs to be exposed as hyperbole of the worst kind:

“…But I will talk about golf. Specifically, the delusional notion, put forward by many pros, commentators, experts, and pundits, that the game is bigger than Tiger and will survive, recover, thrive. Um, no. The game is in no way bigger than Tiger. In fact, Tiger is so immensely, hugely, ginormously larger than mere golf that golf may never recover from this monumental fall from grace….”

Cue to stop laughing. A few clicks on google will show that there have been purported instances of golf since 1750 and some even claim as far back as 1450. Certainly, in the 1860’s in Scotland, Old Tom Morris (not to be confused with young Tom, differentiated by beard length ) was the Tiger of his time; minus the sponsors but arguably sartorially superior. Any real fan of golf will know the names of Vardon, Sarazen, Jones, Nelson and of course in recent times, the great Palmer and Nicklaus. Now I’m not saying this kid Tiger has no talent, but despite the Golf Channel’s MTVish spin on it, Tiger was not responsible for the popularity of golf, the related golf course development industry, the charity associations or the ongoing interest of addicted men (mostly) to the game. We cannot deny Tiger’s influence on purse sizes and no doubt, this will be affected in the short term, but golf was fine as a pursuit before Tiger made it “cool” and will continue to be so in the years to come. Middle aged men don’t care about cool. Has anyone noticed some of the pants they wear, some of which resemble eye tests and bring on nausea if stared at for too long?

The emergence of Tiger’s dominance of the game combined with the genius of Nike recognizing this talent at an early age has pushed the game of golf into the realm of everyman…and this was not the case before. If fact, this may not even be desirable. I think the author of the article really means that marketing ICON Tiger Woods is at jeopardy, not the game of golf. Using anecdotal evidence based on that dependable source, namely me, most golf shops and pro shops will tell you that traditional golf equipment suppliers still command the spending of real golfers. Nike has certainly made inroads into the equipment business, but most pros, given their own choice stick with Titleist, Callaway or Taylor Made, the established gear makers. The area where Nike cleans up with Tiger are shoes and apparel. This is the youth market that Nike really wants and Tiger’s popularity was key to their sales to this constituency. Ironically, Tiger’s attire on course was downright dull.

The author goes on to say:

“….I’ve seen Tiger Woods stride a golf course and strike golf balls several times, and it was a special thing. He did outshine the myriads though bright. A frightening yet seductive luminosity emanated from the guy….”

What is he? Chris Matthews describing the president?

Again, there can be no doubt as to Tiger’s golf accomplishments, because many have been truly memorable especially in the heat of competition. But during these times in which we live, where every move is replayed, analyzed and broadcast again and again with reverential description by all manner of media types has contributed as much to the legend as the deeds themselves. Old Tom probably only had his competitors, a few fans and a phalanx of sheep herders in which to pass on his golfing genius. Even then, after the last pint was finished at the pub afterwards, the stories were probably forgotten. There was no Golf Channel in those days to replay the feather ball gasping into the hole.

Tiger’s been great for the game of golf, but his bigger strength is as a promoter for products or whatever cause has been crafted for him. Tiger’s woes appear self inflicted and some sponsors bravely put on the “full support” facade. But this is business; someone else will come along to be star spokesmodel…probably soon. Greater than golf? Please.

Since I’m not sure if I will be inspired by another infuriating article before Christmas, I end this missive with a poem sent to me, author unknown, which captures Mr. Woods’ saga. It’s not just highbrow stuff here. With apologies to the traditionalists:

TIGER WOODS
> CHRISTMAS POEM
>
>
> ‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
> Tiger
> Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse.
>
> She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
> Cause a
> bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
>
> He’d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed.
> Woman
> after woman stepped up and confessed.
>
> He’d
> been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
> With Joselyn, and
> Kalika. The world had the story.
>
> From the
> top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
> Tiger’s sad sordid tale was
> all over the news.
>
> With hostesses,
> waitresses, he had lots of sex,
> When not in their pants, he was sendin’
> them texts.
>
> Despite all his cryin’ and
> beggin’ and pleadin’,
> Tiger’s wife went investin’ in a new home in
> Sweden.
>
> And I heard her exclaim from her
> white Escalade,
> “If you’re gettin’ laid, then I’m gettin’ paid.”
>
>
> She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly
> good cheer,
> Her pre-nup made Christmas come early this
> year.
>