As IF Times

There was a discussion a while back about the overbearing influence of the law community in our modern lives. In the examples cited, there was at least some attempt to sell goods with the caveats tucked away in small print. The advertisement for Chantix, a stop smoking drug, comes from the modern Monty Python school of marketing.

Most are probably not familiar with the tortuous path taken by any pharmaceutical product prior to being unleashed upon the consuming public. The time involved can be 10 years in some cases, hundreds of millions of dollars of research and development, stage 1, 2 and 3 clinical trials and of course human trials. After ALL that, a product is ready for sale to you and me. Luckily there are already products out there for that nagging itch.

So this particular product is to be consumed by people wishing to quit smoking, an admirable pursuit and not that easy to do, so why not get a little help if that monkey just won’t get off your back?. Enter Chantix. The TV commercial and official website for this product claims the following:

“…CHANTIX is proven to work.
In studies, 44% of CHANTIX users were quit during weeks 9 to 12 of treatment (compared to 18% on sugar pill). CHANTIX also helped reduce the urge to smoke.

CHANTIX has been proven to be more effective in helping smokers quit than Zyban® (bupropion hydrochloride). The average person in these studies had been a smoker for more than 24 years. The trials involved a mix of men and women who smoked an average of 10 or more cigarettes a day…”

Not exactly “things go better with coke” but that’s what happens when the lawyers write copy. The best part of the TV add is the 75% of the time spent on the possible minor annoying side effects like:

“…changes in behavior, hostility, agitation, depressed mood, suicidal thoughts or actions while using CHANTIX…”

or,

“…agitation, hostility, depression, or changes in behavior, thinking, or mood that are not typical…”

and,

“…you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, anxiety, panic, aggression, anger, mania, abnormal sensations, hallucinations, paranoia, or confusion, stop taking CHANTIX and call your doctor right away…”

plus,

“…Some people can have serious skin reactions while taking CHANTIX, some of which can become life-threatening. These can include rash, swelling, redness, and peeling of the skin. Some people can have allergic reactions to CHANTIX, some of which can be life-threatening and include: swelling of the face, mouth, and throat that can cause trouble breathing. If you have these symptoms or have a rash with peeling skin or blisters in your mouth, stop taking CHANTIX and get medical attention right away.

The most common side effects include nausea (30%), sleep problems, constipation, gas, and/or vomiting. You may have trouble sleeping, vivid, unusual, or strange dreams. If you have side effects that bother you or don’t go away, tell your doctor…”

Or just light up, spare the postal workers. We’ve come quite a way from marketing in the 1960’s when,

“…4 out of 5 doctors recommend Parliament cigarettes; so smooth, so satisfying…”

Under the watchful eye of the legal hawks today, careers of ad writers and jingoists are severely threatened, unless they can find a rhyme for buproprion hydrochloride or convince people that thoughts of suicide and stomach pains are cool. The superbowl ad industry will crater.

The beer commercials will be followed by disclaimers that:

“All loose women are hired professionals and will not appear at your parties. Drinking our product leads to bar fights, police scrutiny, unwanted spouses, unamused spouses and soiled clothing. Many will suffer liver damage and extensive medical complications”

Joe Izuzu, where are you?

link DailyTech – Reports: Google’s Nexus One Price, ETFs, and Contract Details Leak

As hard as it is to believe, it was over 130 years ago in 1876, that US patent numbers 161,739 and 174,465 were issued to an American inventor that would contribute to arguably the most dynamic industry in history. Alexander Graham Bell, widely given credit for the invention of this device, started the whole ball rolling with the benign statement, at least for its time, “Watson, come here, I want you”. The Watson referred to was no slouch himself going on to later found a small business machine company which grew a bit into a company today known as IBM.

The telephone was invented. Over the next hundred plus years, every manner of contrivance was implemented to squeeze money from a public eager to talk and talk and then talk some more. In fact, some say that the phenomenon of the teenager would have been impossible were it not for the telephone’s invention. Morse coding your squeeze after a hot date wasn’t practical and spelling errors were problematic. “What did he mean by 2 dots? Did he mean 3 dots? or a dash?”

The first phone company, American Telephone and Telegraph had what many had assumed to be a lock on permanent revenue. How that got screwed up is another discussion, but suffice to say, with the evolution from communal phones, to private phones in homes, to public pay phones, there was a penny to made at every step. It wasn’t that long ago that if a long distance call came in, you would first be prompted to accept the charge by an operator and then the whole room went silent as this expensive call was taken. Phones were essential to any modern home in those days and it often occupied a prominent place in the house. The idea of convenience and portability in those days was a 30 foot cord.

Fast forward to our modern lives where cell phones are as common as nipples on a cow. Everyone has one, or two or six. Little kids have them as well as the elderly. Naturally business people require them and of course teenagers have them. In third world countries where there’s no running water or cable TV, the villagers have them. But a phone isn’t just a phone any more; how quaint would that be? Can you imagine kids in 1970 getting excited about getting a phone for Christmas?

No sir. Phones today are mini computers capable of collecting and transmitting not only voice, but also data. Pictures are sent, word files are stored. These devices can not only inform, but embarrass, just ask Tiger. Phones today have exceeded the capability of personal computers of just 10 years ago. Manufacturer Sony Ericsson has a ‘smart phone’ that approaches $900! Google has a product called Android which will compete with Iphone which competes with Blackberry.
Tech blogs wax breathlessly about the release of the new latest gizmo because…well…because…it’s newer and better!

According to a tech research outfit, Wintergreen Research, the worldwide telecommunications market including wireless handsets are set for extraordinary growth, doubling from $123 billion in 2004 to $282 billion in 2010. This piece was done presumably a few years ago, before the invention of the newer, costlier gizmos.

The classic advice for any salesperson is to point out features, but explain benefits. With the new phone devices these days, they’re all features but murky on the marginal benefits to the old phone. In fact, we’re seeing smart phones and dumb people. Is this really an empowerment of man’s innate need to communicate or is it just proof that people will buy anything as long as it’s new?

Who could have possibly imagined the lengths we’d go to just to gab about mainly nothing. The biggest irony is, most phones now are geared to allow people to communicate by TEXT not voice!! These days, when someone texts “Come here Watson, I want you”, it has a whole new meaning…and usually is accompanied by pictures.

So never mind banking bailouts, buy PHONES!