As IF Times

link Carney to Piers: The Three Government Scandals This Week ‘Don’t Exist’ | TheBlaze.com.

Rumor has it that Jay Carney inherited his post as White House spokesman after Robert Gibbs only because Joe Izuzu wasn’t available.  As some may remember, Gibbs resigned after having to defend White House policies for the first few years of the Obama administration, but decided to leave after being unable to control his rapidly shifting eyes and when the word ‘uh’ became 75% of his utterances.  For those not familiar with the iconic car salesman Joe Izuzu of 70’s fame check here, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Isuzu

Carney has been a worthy and amusing successor.  After his gig is up at the White House, we expect Carney has a promising career working as a Cirque du Soleil acrobat where his amazing feats of contortion will amaze and amuse a paying public.  For now, his contortions of the truth and the denial of the obvious will make him a classic Internet meme for the ages.  This guy is either the most pathological liar of all time or just dumb.  On any given day, it’s a toss up which is more likely.  His denial of the most obvious of observations is Monty Python-esque.  I refer to the classic Dead Parrot sketch.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218

In politics as in sports, it’s one thing to be partisan, everyone wants their side to win; it’s quite another to deny an obvious reality.  For Carney to deny that there are ANY merits to the numerous scandals embroiling the White House should be a strong hint that he may actually be a hand puppet.  Consider that he is always standing behind a podium.  Hmmm…there is a Sesame Street muppet look to him….

But it’s hard to slam old Jay, he’s just working with the material that’s given to him every morning.  Nevertheless, I’d say there’s a fair chance that even Jay is being worn out from all the stress.  He’s sold more whoppers than a kid working at Burger King.  It won’t be long before he joins his predecessor Robert Gibbs in academia where the audiences are naive and reality is not an issue.

link Study links 180,000 global deaths to sugary drinks.

From all of the learned studies that keep appearing in the news, it looks as if science is well on the way to isolating and eventually eliminating all causes of death.  This is quite remarkable and evidence that science is good for things other than keeping test tube and Bunsen burner makers in business.  As has been discussed previously, the life span of humans may yet get extended to 150.

According to a recent U.S. Census report, the world’s population is just over 7 billion people as of March of 2012; 7.074 billion to be precise, although there may have some double counting in some countries and some under-counting in others.  We don’t know if the counts took place while some were away on holidays or if some were tabulated multiple times because they kind of looked the same.

So in the grand scheme of things, according to this story, 180,000 global deaths have been linked to sugary drinks.   I didn’t even know that there was a box to be ticked in this category in the cause of death certificate for this.  So let’s see, 180,000 out of 7,000,000,000… it borders on epidemic!   According to statistics compiled by the World Health Organization, the top mortality rates worldwide in the year 2011 are shown by the following table:

It’s possible that death by sugary drinks is included under the penultimate category, Diabetes mellitus, but based on the description of that statistic, I doubt it.    More interesting to note is that road traffic accidents are a much greater scourge than drinking a big gulp.   When a statistic is offered on mortality, the initial response is ” well we must do something about this tragic circumstance” until that statistic is more closely scrutinized.  If there was a category for sugary drink death, it may reside way down the list at about 12,625th. This headline purports to show that 180,000 world deaths are linked to sugary drinks.  If this isn’t telethon material, it should be.

It could be that the zealots have surveyed the list of the major causes of death and determined that all of the big ones have been taken; heart disease, cancer, AIDS etc etc.  All that was left over was sugary drinks.  It’s a bigger push to get sympathy for this one since pictures of zaftig people drinking Mountain Dew on a hot day doesn’t play to the sympathy crowd as well as a mal-nourished baby, a bed-ridden tuberculosis patient or the most recent high profile AIDS victim.  But, to paraphrase Dr. Seuss, a crisis is a crisis no matter how small.

We expect to see the usual bureaucratic path for this particular crisis.  A ban, which won’t work, because people who want them will get them; restrictions on access which will drive up the price of the product; to perhaps licensing of vendors complete with  a registration list of customers.  None of these campaigns work unless they are funded.  Once someone convinces government to bless the cause, the natural funders will be the very corporations that sell the noxious products, namely, Coca Cola, Pepsi and their like.  To paraphrase a line from the film “Apocalypse Now”, I love the smell of lawsuits in the morning.  Saving the world is such a process.