As IF Times

link Spanish Woman Claims She Now Owns Sun.

I guess it rings hollow to claim that I thought of this years ago.  It took this shrewd, lucid woman to grab onto something so obvious.  Many will undoubtedly chastise themselves for not thinking of it first like the pet rock.   Of course, the really difficult part is not claiming ownership, it’s collecting the royalties.  I’m sure she’s thought out the logistics of having meters installed on top of every living thing on the planet which benefits from the sun’s rays.  No doubt she’s been planning this for years, possibly cornering the meter market.   Naturally, there will be those scofflaws who refuse to pay, but I’m sure most will be happy to at last have someone take charge of solar radiation.  At the very least, when it’s cloudy or cold, you have someone to lodge a complaint with. 

If I were her, I’d start gathering a crack team of lawyers because it’s only a matter of time before the global warming crowd are going to try to pin that on her property.  As far fetched as it seems now, the sun may have some role to play in this.

But suffice to say, the warning volley has been fired, the gold rush is on.  There are millions of obvious things that have yet to be claimed.  The atmosphere for instance.  Or water.  Fire; now there’s a good one.  As for me, I think I’ll put my claim in on the number “0”,  the color green and the expletive “oh f**k”.  Those that refuse to pay me royalties on these items can live a life of paying 9 cents plus 1, having no green on any of their  landscapes and having nothing to yell in pain when they smash their thumbs with a hammer.  I’m also thinking of claiming the most common punctuation point, the period, as well.  Without proper licensing of periods, the world would be subject to run-on sentences without conclusion.  Royalties from these few items should keep me in champagne and caviar for  a few decades, minus of course the royalties payable on these piddly items.  Capitalism and brains; just can’t beat the combo.

Next big battleground: the ownership fight for gravity.

link Germany Considers Tax on the Obese.

An older article from this summer, which at the time seemed preposterous, but now with the passage of events is coming closer to reality.  The urge to eat is THE primal desire overcoming all others in the animal kingdom.   For most animals, every waking moment is spent in the pursuit of food, closely followed by the need to avoid being food. 

In the case of man, the need to eat is not as urgent in most industrialized nations these days.  With food readily available in copious amounts and selection, the need to get the latest I-Phone or grab the hottest pop star’s event tickets have supplanted the urgency for simple sustenance.  Nevertheless, there is a vocal segment of the population intent on prescribing to others just how and what to eat.  More annoyingly, this group of know it all busybodies have managed to infect governments with their zeal to control meals.  It’s widely known that campaigns against the food offerings of the likes of McDonalds, KFC, PF Chang’s, Cheesecake Factory etc. have employed hundreds of lawyers and consumed countless millions of dollars in bureaucratic maneuverings in the pursuit of villifying these businesses.  Even the Whitehouse is is pushing salad bars in the nation.  

What this amounts to is the state telling people not just what to eat, but how to eat and in what portions.  How did this happen?  Presumably, if laws are passed, they should reflect the will of the people in some way.  Are we to believe that fellow citizens really care to regulate the food intake of their neighbours and friends.  Should we care whether or not someone goes for thirds at the buffet table?  In the animal kingdom, they can eat what and when they want to the degree that food is available.  Why shouldn’t those occupying the top of the food chain be able to do the same?

The stated intent of the food police is to prevent people from harming themselves by their own uncontrolled self indulgence.  In addition, the side effect is supposed benefits to the collective health care systems.  I would argue the opposite.  If in fact the products targeted by the food police are as toxic as they claim, it would actually benefit the health care system because early deaths would be less of an encumbrance to everyone else.  And by the way, what exactly is the benefit of thousands of years of evolution if the prescribed diet is flavored cardboard and unsalted granola?  Who wants to live to be a hundred if you can’t even enjoy the simple prurient pleasures of eating what you want?  Ironically, there’s a ongoing push to legalize marijuana coincident with the equally vocal push to demonize food. 

I say someone should initiate an ‘Eat what you want day’, or week, or month.  Gourmets and gourmands of the world should make their voices heard and push back against the tide of food totalitarianism creeping into the State.  Events such as ‘take a Big Mac to lunch Day’ or ‘Bring your daughters to Cheesecake Factory Day’ should be instituted in the calendar.  We can name such a movement, FREE!, which stands for Forget Restraint, Eat Everything!   Sort of a Sadie Hawkins day for food.  And come on, who doesn’t want to be FREE?