As IF Times

link Watch ‘Don’t Touch My Junk’: YouTube Body Scan Video Goes Viral | infotainment video actress.

We’ve been discussing the inanity of this for months and now inanity has given way to insanity.   http://asiftimes.com/2010/01/09/airport-scanners-can-measure-my-penis/   When that was written, the ideas may have seemed ahead of their time to skeptics, but now, we are very close to having this become a reality.  Well, good news for those looking to make lemonade out of lemons.  We have some ideas on how to best survive this fun time in the flying industry. 

John Pistole, the present head of the TSA, and when I say present, I mean for the next 10 days because he has made comments so utterly moronic, that only “firing the Pistole” can save those in government who hired this guy in the first place.  But first, let’s have a look at pragmatically using the present circumstances to the best benefit.  As we all know by now, the process of screening has morphed from merely annoying frisking to outright invasive groping. Teachers in school aren’t even allowed to comfort little kids who are crying, but somehow allowing some stranger to grope you is necessary to prove a liberal, tolerant society.  We must take your freedoms to give everyone freedom.  Hmmm.   Until someone in influence decides that this may not be a good thing, how about killing many birds with one stone? 

If we’re going to have all kinds of bodily groping anyway, why not create medical stations at airports which would then also double as security points?  Most men are guilty of not going for regular physicals including the all important prostate exam.  This could be a life saver for lazy men.  “Turn to the left…cough please…you may feel a slight discomfort..” and it’s done!  In the case of women, they could do cancer screening and pap smears in their own segregated areas.  Naturally, you can’t have the TSA hires do this,  so you’d have to lay off 80% of them.  The positive is that jobs are created at airports for thousands of medical personnel.

Getting back to our hero Mr. Pistole, his take on the security measures being thrust on the public is this: 

“…it is irresponsible for a group to suggest travelers opt out of the very screening that may prevent an attack using non-metallic explosives…” and, “…if they don’t like it, they don’t have to fly…”

If only the underwear bomber had the idea of stuffing his anal cavity instead of just having stuff in his undies, we might all have to assume the position in front of the brave TSA staff today.  If someone had the idea of trying to blow up a football stadium or a  Justin Bieber concert, would people be obligated to be fondled at all those events too?  What if someone tried to take out a shopping center or food store?  If people don’t like it, they don’t have to shop…or  eat?   What if a popular restaurant district was targeted?  Would we need to strip search people who only wanted a big salad?  What if someone decided a residential neighborhood was a good place to blow up some buildings?  Would that entitle a search of every house for explosives?   Geniuses like Pistole are the face of rampant unchecked stupido.  Hopefully it will dawn on him or his ‘superiors’ that the extremists are already laughing over their complete victory of terrorizing the west….we’re doing it to ourselves.

Update:  Even the Taiwanese are making fun of us  http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_461991&v=TBL3ux1o0tM&

link Losses are getting steeper for U.S. Postal Service – Nov. 12, 2010.

Of all the sacred cows out there, the Post Office has to be the most holy.  According to this article, 8.5 billion dollars was lost by the operation over the past year despite job cuts and austerity measures.  What this really means is that  US citizens spent 280 dollars per man, woman and child over the past year in order to keep them in business.  In the big scheme of things,  this isn’t a lot of money when you consider the alternative; that would be having all the postal workers unemployed.  The estimated number of actual carriers is about 350,000 as of 2008, but there’s probably another half of that amount in administration.   If they all got laid off, there would be all sorts of unexpected consequences. 

For example, the short pants business would take a huge hit.  It can probably be verified that posties are responsible for 80% of the consumption of short walking pants in the nation.  What about black shoes?  Same thing.  We would see a drastic decline in the use of dog repellent as well as dog snacks.  The incidences of lonely spouses signing on to chat websites will spike as the daily mailperson would no longer make the daily rounds.  At least for 280 dollars per year, the gang are employed and the country gets some kind of service.  Plus, where else would people go to vent their anger?  So a family of 4 would supplement the jobs of posties at just under $1200 per year, not including stamps.  In this day of $5 cups of coffee and million dollar bungalows, I suppose it’s not a big deal. 

But if you think about what usually gets delivered in your mail, I think the conclusion would be the same as  mine.  It’s mainly junk.  Bills are moving more and more to the online payment scheme.  Love notes are sent with pics now on chatrooms.com.  The only things you receive in the mail anymore are flyers for supermarket sales, real estate solicitations and the odd summons for jury duty or legal demands for more child support.   In essence, the  public is subsidizing advertising to their homes.  When we toss flyers directly into the recycle bin, it is the same thing as tossing dollar bills there.

The amusing part of this article is this comment:

“…The Postal Service blamed the deeper losses on the recession and on the continuing growth of e-mail…”

Email huh.  That’s probably a temporary thing.  Looking a  bit closer, we can see one of the main sources of the funding shortfall.  It turns out that the Post Office has a unique constraint:

“…its “unique” requirement to pre-fund its retirement fund — something no other federal agency is required to do…” 

 In the upcoming year, this amount is almost 6 billion dollars and auditors Ernst and Young are doubting the ability to pay.    As  has been previously discussed, the entitlements and promises of many public sector employees will come under increasing pressure to be re-negotiated  as the obligations get bigger and the pay-ins get smaller.  At least in this case, it appears to be somewhat on track. 

This is still small change compared to the potential savings from a genuinely useless apparatus, the TSA.  That costs up to $58 billion  a year… Hmm…