As IF Times

My Way News – Bin Laden blasts US for climate change.

As if.  Now we can be pretty certain this guy’s up there with 20 virgins.  First of all, there have been no sightings of him for over 8 years, his only contact being through audio tapes of scoldings to the west.  Secondly, you would think with all the resources of the western military on alert looking for him that some intelligence would have leaked as to his whereabouts if he was still directing  jihadists. Thirdly, someone in the vast network of jihadists would have given this guy up for money if they had a chance.  In a part of the world where dirt floors makes you middle class, $10,000, 000 is a pretty good incentive to fink on him in order to look after your family.  Maybe move them to France.

Now we are to believe that  Bin Laden cares about…global warming???? Next thing you know, he’ll be sending a delegation to the next climate summit (by car of course, not by air) and rubbing elbows with Al and the Nobel gang.  Now, I admit there still exists the possibility that Bin Laden is still breathing and that this latest message to the west is a shrewdly planned campaign to recruit sympathetic climate kooks from the west to his side.  It’s good marketing on the part of his PR consultants to position his brand on the side of righteousness since killing the infidels doesn’t play well with all demographics according to polls.

The chances are however that it is the residuals of his gang that are putting out these new missives.  The next group to be brought on side will be young women of the west.  This can be accomplished by invoking support for PETA.  In that circumstance, you will have climate changers, PETA and Bin Laden the new climate guru on the same side!! 

We’re not sure how he’s going to reconcile the aims of Jihad standing next to nude PETA girls at fundraisers though.   If you read the story, you will also note that he pushes for abandonment of the U.S. dollar as a world currency.  Hmm.  Could this be an attempt to devalue the bounty on his head?  Maybe the bounty should be changed instead to carbon credits.

‘Feminized’ Japanese Men Boost Kao Sales as Women Pamper Less – Bloomberg.com.

Hidden among this development is a fundamental sea change for men everywhere.  Japanese men have always carried the reputation of the most chauvinistic of nationalities.  In what other culture is it  institutionalized that the men shall go forth during the day to work, then regularly go out with the boys at night to drink in bars, then stagger home to a compliant wife.  The chauvinism of Japanese men is so legendary, that over the past generation, Japanese women en masse have decided to forego the idea of marriage at all, preferring to live with other gals, or in many cases, opt to move out of the country.  It seems marrying into another culture, especially to compliant north American men, was preferable to enduring life as irrelevant chattel in Japan.

Big news then, that girly men are emerging in Japan, for it is only a matter of time before this phenomenom hits these shores with much bigger impact.  In north america, the gay population of men have always led the way as far as personal grooming and in fact, much of their influence is reflected in the male ideal today.  When was the last time you saw a picture of a hairy chest on the cover of any men’s magazine?  If the market for men’s cosmetics, moisturizers, bronzers and  depillitators takes off in north america, it will single handedly be able to re-ignite GDP growth. 

As we all know, men are a competitive bunch and you can bet that there will be bruising competition to get access to the best personal grooming products.  Think of the money spent on trophy items such as Porsches or Ferraris and you can extrapolate the degrees to which men will pay for the “rarest of  face creams” no doubt harvested from an obscure Himalayan plant which only blooms once every 8 years and then, only at night…in a month that ends with a ‘t’.

Naturally, we will see some changes in our society.  In contact sports for example, much more care will be taken so as not to disturb a carefully coiffed hairstyle or freshly manicured nails.  Ultimate fighting fans will hear shouts of “not the face, not the face” by the fighters, who in fact essentially just slap each other around  before someone gives up when given one too many purple nurples.   Thankfully, because of regular waxing, the audience will not be disgusted by the view when the fighters are bent into compromising positions.

Strip bars and such may suffer, but the spa club business will mushroom.  Men being men, exclusive clubs will open with big initiation fees to distinguish the better ones from the daily pay clubs.  Men will hoard 5, 10 or even vintage 12 year old bottles of skin softener to be brought out only on special occasions to be shared with their best buddies.  At restaurants, we will see the phenomenon of men going off to the bathroom in pairs.

Not all will be good unfortunately.  Women will be crowded out of the medicine cabinet by the gaggle of men’s products.  In addtion, no one will be on time for anything anymore because “getting ready” will have a few more steps for both sexes.  At least they’ll look fabulous when they arrive.