Can I Watch Golden Girls?
Of course we don’t know exactly how this came about. How was the decision made to identify Tiger’s “condition” as an affliction that needs treatment? Are we to believe that:
a) Tiger recognizes that because of his fame, fortune, high powered friends and exalted status among athletes, getting access to willing young women is a horrible burden of the business and is a bad thing
b) His wife says that the above is a bad thing
c) His sponsors say that it’s a bad thing especially if he gets caught
d) His mother gave him the ol’ ear twist
e) His current girlfriend thinks he should go so she can be exclusive
f) His business managers told him to go in order to salvage whatever status he may have as a sympathetic character and to pave his way back to the tour so they can all make money again. It certainly can’t be Tiger’s fault if it’s a disease. This horrific ailment which co-incidently only afflicts young men in the sports and entertainment industry with lots of fame and available money, must be appropriately treated.
Of course there is precedence for this. David Duchovny, Michael Douglas and Charlie Sheen all had to live through this horror before being admitted to treatment. Sadly we have seen the tragic consequences of this affliction if allowed to go untreated. Apparently, after numerous serial sexual encounters, blood stops circulating properly in the brain and judgement suffers. In severe cases like Warren Beatty and Wilt Chamberlain, the victim loses the ability to count.
People who may fall victim to this malaise are fortunate to have facilities established to properly treat them. Naturally, there can be no temptations of any sort at the facility that can cause the patient stress.
As I understand it, there are two schools of thought on how to treat sex addiction. The first is from the abstinence and avoidance path. In this program, the facility is staffed by mainly hirsute males and the patient is exposed to nothing at all which has any hint of women. They are allowed to watch entertainment including sports and news and certain TV shows like The View and Joy Behar. As part of the therapy, men’s magazines are available, but all have been rigged to have full facial shots of Rosie O’Donnell and an embedded chip that shrieks “I WANT YOU NOW!” when opened.
The other school of thought is to overstimulate the patient with images and videos of comely gals every minute of the day from wake up to bedding down at night. They are forced to watch videos of The Girls Next Door in a constant loop until they cannot bear to hear them say one more inane thing. By the time 6 weeks are over, they will avoid busty blondes like they were E-Coli sandwiches.
We don’t know which method Tiger will endure, but we all pray he can recover.