As IF Times

link Paintings Worth Millions Stolen from Paris Museum – WSJ.com.

As if.  I think what they mean is, paintings insured for millions stolen.  As may be obvious to readers, I am skeptical of valuations placed on “priceless” works of art by long dead artists.  With assets worldwide going into the tank from real estate, to stock, to bonds, to perhaps even hard metals, the ability for anyone to sell and receive value for “priceless” works of art are few.  The better way to recoup value for these pieces is from the insurance companies.  That may be a cynical accusation on my part, but when you think of the logic of it, there’s more validity than insanity. 

If the pieces were stolen, then the thieves can only realize value in one of a few ways.  One, they can resell to a collector for some discounted price.  Presumably, this collector has the money and power to thumb their nose at laws against stealing such things and in fact, perhaps even hired the thieves in the first place.  Two, they can strike a deal with the insurance companies to return the pieces for a “small” reward.  Most likely, the thieves will try to capture value for the pieces right away, like Goldman Sachs doing an arb trade.  Presumably, lots of money was spent to set this up, to pay off people and for logistics.  That money has to be retrieved in order to offset these costs.  And there had to be costs involved.  Anyone who has seen the movie, The Thomas Crown Affair would have an idea of the planning that’s involved with a heist like this.  One doesn’t just hire some unibrow thugs to lift the pieces off the wall and saunter out of the museum with them under their arms. 

I’m sure the insurance companies have their crack sleuths on this right away. It’s not as if they didn’t know where to look.  How many people could have pulled this off anyway? Groups that would be in a position to move or receive hundreds of millions of dollars worth of art are likely a small fraternity. 

Here is my suggestion for catching or at least annoying the thieves.  If there is a ransom demand of some kind, try this approach:

Ring ring.  “Hello, Lloyd’s of London, how may I help you?”

” I’m calling about the recent art heist.  We’re willing to return the art for a reward”

“Hmm, yes, well about that, we’ve decided to just let it be.”

“Pardon me?”

“Yes, we’ve decided it’s more trouble than it’s worth to look for them, so we’ll just write it off and find something else to replace them”

“What!! You can’t do that!   These are timeless works by the great masters!  You have to get them back!”

“Actually, they weren’t that great anyway and they cost way too much to insure.  The premiums we received weren’t worth it.  We think we’ll go with some newer stuff, you can keep the pieces”

“But we don’t want them, we want money!”

“Sorry”

“We’ll give you a discount!”

“Again, sorry”

“We’ll throw in frames”

“Look, we really don’t care.  They really weren’t worth that much in the first place, we just used them to collect insurance premiums from the idiots who were willing to pay them.  Over the years, we’ve got our money out of them, Sotheby’s got their cut and now it’s time to move on”.

“Hey, that’s dishonest and not fair!”

“It’s just business”

“What are we supposed to do with these things then?!!”

“Try Ebay.  Have a nice day”