As IF Times

link U.S. News – Black Friday violence: 1 shopper critically injured after shooting, 15 others pepper-sprayed.

If there’s any evidence needed that much of U.S. society has crashed heavily through the rails of decency and common sense, then the recent plethora of news stories surrounding violence around Black Friday sales is exhibit A.  Only in America would the supposed celebration of peace and good will towards all men be prefaced by violence during the clamor to buy some trinket at a sale price in preparation for the peaceful festivities.

The whole tradition of this can be traced back to three men, the names of whom the majority of people today would not recognize; Balthazar, Gaspar and Melchior.  These were the famed Three Wise Men of biblical and historical fame who were the originators of the whole Christmas shopping tradition which manifests itself grotesquely today with Black Friday.

Biblical history tells us that an angel appeared which announced to the 3 men that a very significant event was taking place soon, the birth of the baby Jesus in the town of Bethlehem, a few towns over.  Given this important news, the three men decided that it behooved them to make a pilgrimage to see the baby, but not to arrive empty handed.  They collectively decided to bring items which were considered valuable in the day.  Money of course, in the form of gold is always a good gift.  The other items they thought of were frankincense and myrrh, essentially aromatic plant resins.   Actually, the latter two were quite thoughtful gifts because in those days, regular bathing had yet to be accepted as social convention.  Frankincense and Myrrh were used as perfumes and aromatics to help mask the fragrance of desert sweat and camel perspiration ubiquitous in the day.  You can imagine then the importance of these fragrance resins.  These items were the Ipads and big screen TV equivalents of today.  In fact, the one wise man was chastised for only bringing money since that meant he couldn’t trouble himself to stand in the checkout line at the bazaar to buy something thoughtful.  In the end, they all decided to give their gifts as a group rather than assigning any one item to any particular person.

From this gesture began the entire tradition of bestowing gifts at Christmas time to small children, which then expanded to include everyone else.  Which brings us to today where the importance of getting the ‘it’ gift has become literally a blood sport as reported by all the news accounts of rabid shoppers at the malls.  This can’t be good for society.  Maybe it’s a good idea to go back to the gold, frankincense and myrrh tradition.  Here’s the solution, give money,  Old Spice and Chanel No. 5.

link Al-Qaeda magazines become slicker, niche-oriented – USATODAY.com.

Luckily for readers of this blog, we’ve been able to get an early preview of the latest edition of Al-Qaeda Today.  Some of the articles include:

Hot Spring Suicide Colors – Whites and Blacks are out, bright pastels are in.  See the hottest suicide gear from Europe. 

Grooming Tips – What are the hottest fragrances?  What the hip bombers are wearing.

The New Youth Movement – How younger bombers are undermining the classically trained ones.  Are Ipods in the field sacrilegious?

Are You Prepared For 72? – What to say when first meeting your new fan base.  Also, what if they’re not your type? 

Other Career Choices – Is a position in Cell Leadership less fulfilling?

Credit Blues – simple and obvious solutions; go for the 30 year loan.

The Bucket List – Things to do and places to visit before you go, part 2 of a series.

Hot Food and Wine Pairings – Will Pinot work well with Camel for the last meal?

The success of this publication has been unexpected as circulation increases by the tens every month.  Of course, they lose about that amount every month as well.  Still, the proliferation of the Bomber lifestyle has spawned imitators.  Apparently, a copycat publication, Today’s Modern Bomber is about to launch as well, but intended to capture a wider, hopefully western audience.  This magazine will address green and other sustainability issues involved with modern explosives.   There will be hard hitting interviews with the likes of Michael Moore and Al Gore, which will serve to convince readers that the West does indeed need to be obliterated.  There’s also talk that there will be a centerfold section, entitled Burqua Babe of the month, but the sensibilities of women’s groups may nix this.   The real brilliance will be the creation of an IPad Edition so subscribers can get access in the field.  This will have an interactive on-line bombing game simulation.  You have to cater to the youth demographic these days.