As IF Times

Source: Venice will vanish underwater within a century if global warming is not stalled, climate change study warns | The Independent

It’s so difficult to discern reality from satire these days that they may soon require disclaimers at the top of ‘news’ articles.  Who knew that editorial directions were converging at the New York Times, The Washington Post and The Babylon Bee?  They may as well work from the same office to save money and reduce their carbon footprint.

The majority of the supposedly sober news outlets continue to bleat about the weather, as if it was an imminent existential calamity. The weather.  The Climate Change (originally Global Warming) charade survives, stronger than ever actually, despite the passage of the doomsday time window  expertly calculated by renowned expert, Al Gore. It turns out he missed counting a finger during his complex calculus and so fortunately for all of us, we apparently have another (only) 12 years before buying green bananas and holding long term bonds is a bad bet.  Time magazine just named a 16 year old whiny hand puppet as their Person of the Year.  I didn’t even know Time magazine still existed.  They’re about as relevant to news as Mad Magazine, which sadly doesn’t really exist anymore.

Everything that’s out of the ‘usual’ can be traced back to Climate Change: polar bear counts, missing bees,  excessive crabs, wildfires in California and the Patriots losing at home. But the most recent impact of Climate Change was even more alarming: Venice flooded.

Yep, one of the most iconic tourist destinations in the world experienced  a surge of ocean water as a result of storms which caused shock to observers and residents alike….apparently.  Venice has never been a good place to rent a basement suite and hasn’t been for, oh…600 years! The city, which consists of a number of small islands connected by waterways, was built explicitly on shallow lands which were subject to flooding as a defense mechanism back in the day when that was necessary.  Somehow, over the ensuing years, residents acclimated themselves to their unique geography and in fact flourished as it transitioned from a commercial center to a tourist mecca selling more tchotchkes than pasta.

The Gondoliers who ply their trade in the city’s canals are iconic and their images are known throughout the world. People didn’t just recently create makeshift canoes and started charging 200 bucks a throw. They’ve been doing this for well over a hundred years.  It’s a profession.  There are schools for that vocation, licenes to be had, rules to follow.  Gondoliers did what their fathers did and they of course followed their fathers.  They adjusted to their environent.  It’s an MBA course in making lemonade from lemons.  In fact, if global warming is a thing, cities that may be subject to flooding should send scouts to Venice to figure out how to copy their model.

It’s chutzpah for these idiots to claim that Global Warming is the cause of Venice’s imminent demise. It’s like the old joke about a boy who kills his own parents and then throws himself at the mercy of the courts because he’s an orphan.  Venice has been around for hundreds of years and will continue for as long as the foundations hold in those waterlogged basements.  We can blame that on the city planners from 600 years ago.

Source: Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: Washington Post criticized for austere headline

There’s an old saying that goes, “when your adversary is digging himself into a hole, stand back and let him finish”.  The amusing headline from the Washington Post characterizing the death of the top ISIS leader at the hands of US forces was a backhoe’s worth of dirt, even considering the tons of earth they’ve moved over the years.  Wanting to be known as the beacon of truth, their masthead’s byline reads, “Democracy Dies In Darkness”.  Well someone had better find the light switch over there, because they seem to be vying with the satire of The Babylon Bee for the most preposterous headlines and stories.

The obituary reads, “Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, austere religious scholar at helm of Islamic State, dies at 48.”

We know that very soon, the meme machine will be working overtime on the internet to come out with some other re-writes of famous historical figures.

“Adolph Hitler, Thoughtful art collector and eloquent speechwriter found dead in apparent murder suicide with his wife Eva in the basement of his quiet home”

“Benito Mussolini, journalist, good friend of the art collector Adolf Hitler and respected leader of the Italian nation through the tumultuous years of World War 2,  passes away from assassination by disgruntled soldiers at the end of the war.  A public funeral was held at the Piazzele Loreto in Milan. He was only 61.”

“Mao Tse Tung, leader of the most populous nation on earth passed away at the young age of 82. He was an accomplished  demographics expert, managing to cull over 20 million people from the nation of China during his reign.  He commanded respect from his people and many in the nation took to wearing clothing that emulated his grey tunic during his life.  Actually, everyone did.  To this day, his ideology is celebrated by politicians, basketball players and actors in many western nations.”

“Jeffrey Dahmer, noted gastronomic adventurer, dies at the age of 34 while living in a state sponsored home.  He was apparently killed by a roommate in a dispute over differences of food tastes.”

“Pol Pot, leader of the Khmer Rouge dead at 63.  The Khmer Rouge pioneered the mass deployment of approximately 3 million people into the fields of the country to ease the stress upon the big cities.”

“The Washington Post, in the midst of a protracted death from massive declining readership and interest in fantasy literature.  The writing was on the wall when people stopped keeping birds and no longer required cage liners.”