As IF Times

link Matthew DeBord: Tiger Woods Is So, So, So Much Bigger Than Golf

As if. So much ink has been spilled on the recently exposed adventures of Eldrick Woods that I’ve avoided adding any more to the pool of opinions out in Lake Tsk Tsk. This piece however, begs to be exposed as hyperbole of the worst kind:

“…But I will talk about golf. Specifically, the delusional notion, put forward by many pros, commentators, experts, and pundits, that the game is bigger than Tiger and will survive, recover, thrive. Um, no. The game is in no way bigger than Tiger. In fact, Tiger is so immensely, hugely, ginormously larger than mere golf that golf may never recover from this monumental fall from grace….”

Cue to stop laughing. A few clicks on google will show that there have been purported instances of golf since 1750 and some even claim as far back as 1450. Certainly, in the 1860’s in Scotland, Old Tom Morris (not to be confused with young Tom, differentiated by beard length ) was the Tiger of his time; minus the sponsors but arguably sartorially superior. Any real fan of golf will know the names of Vardon, Sarazen, Jones, Nelson and of course in recent times, the great Palmer and Nicklaus. Now I’m not saying this kid Tiger has no talent, but despite the Golf Channel’s MTVish spin on it, Tiger was not responsible for the popularity of golf, the related golf course development industry, the charity associations or the ongoing interest of addicted men (mostly) to the game. We cannot deny Tiger’s influence on purse sizes and no doubt, this will be affected in the short term, but golf was fine as a pursuit before Tiger made it “cool” and will continue to be so in the years to come. Middle aged men don’t care about cool. Has anyone noticed some of the pants they wear, some of which resemble eye tests and bring on nausea if stared at for too long?

The emergence of Tiger’s dominance of the game combined with the genius of Nike recognizing this talent at an early age has pushed the game of golf into the realm of everyman…and this was not the case before. If fact, this may not even be desirable. I think the author of the article really means that marketing ICON Tiger Woods is at jeopardy, not the game of golf. Using anecdotal evidence based on that dependable source, namely me, most golf shops and pro shops will tell you that traditional golf equipment suppliers still command the spending of real golfers. Nike has certainly made inroads into the equipment business, but most pros, given their own choice stick with Titleist, Callaway or Taylor Made, the established gear makers. The area where Nike cleans up with Tiger are shoes and apparel. This is the youth market that Nike really wants and Tiger’s popularity was key to their sales to this constituency. Ironically, Tiger’s attire on course was downright dull.

The author goes on to say:

“….I’ve seen Tiger Woods stride a golf course and strike golf balls several times, and it was a special thing. He did outshine the myriads though bright. A frightening yet seductive luminosity emanated from the guy….”

What is he? Chris Matthews describing the president?

Again, there can be no doubt as to Tiger’s golf accomplishments, because many have been truly memorable especially in the heat of competition. But during these times in which we live, where every move is replayed, analyzed and broadcast again and again with reverential description by all manner of media types has contributed as much to the legend as the deeds themselves. Old Tom probably only had his competitors, a few fans and a phalanx of sheep herders in which to pass on his golfing genius. Even then, after the last pint was finished at the pub afterwards, the stories were probably forgotten. There was no Golf Channel in those days to replay the feather ball gasping into the hole.

Tiger’s been great for the game of golf, but his bigger strength is as a promoter for products or whatever cause has been crafted for him. Tiger’s woes appear self inflicted and some sponsors bravely put on the “full support” facade. But this is business; someone else will come along to be star spokesmodel…probably soon. Greater than golf? Please.

Since I’m not sure if I will be inspired by another infuriating article before Christmas, I end this missive with a poem sent to me, author unknown, which captures Mr. Woods’ saga. It’s not just highbrow stuff here. With apologies to the traditionalists:

TIGER WOODS
> CHRISTMAS POEM
>
>
> ‘Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
> Tiger
> Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse.
>
> She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
> Cause a
> bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
>
> He’d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed.
> Woman
> after woman stepped up and confessed.
>
> He’d
> been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
> With Joselyn, and
> Kalika. The world had the story.
>
> From the
> top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
> Tiger’s sad sordid tale was
> all over the news.
>
> With hostesses,
> waitresses, he had lots of sex,
> When not in their pants, he was sendin’
> them texts.
>
> Despite all his cryin’ and
> beggin’ and pleadin’,
> Tiger’s wife went investin’ in a new home in
> Sweden.
>
> And I heard her exclaim from her
> white Escalade,
> “If you’re gettin’ laid, then I’m gettin’ paid.”
>
>
> She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly
> good cheer,
> Her pre-nup made Christmas come early this
> year.
>

link #mod=todays_us_money_and_investing

Anyone paying attention to all that’s hot in the news these days will come to the same epiphany as I have.

It’s all the fault of women.

There’s a lot of wisdom in the old Eve, Adam and apple thing. The article above details the most recent high earner about to be dinged by his soon to be ex-wife in a divorce suit. The other guy of course is the golfer caught playing more than one ball, none of which he started with.

Maybe we’re looking at this all wrong. The way it’s spun now; successful guy makes it to the top of his profession and gets caught eating caviar off the wrong belly button. “Tsk,tsk” is the universal response, how could he allow his better judgement inferred from success in his field of expertise, to be overcome by extra prandial cravings? You would think the consequences in this litigious society would be enough to stop him from the odd side meal. Millons if not hundreds of millions of dollars can be at stake. But no.

It makes very little sense to risk reputation, aggravation, party whispering and of course a dollar or two in order to satisfy those cravings. In a game show format where the contestant is offered the choice of money, power and adulation behind the first door and Miss April behind the second, you would think most people would shout, ” I’ll take door number 1 Jim! “.

In the real world however, it’s all about what you don’t have.

When you think about it, maybe the REAL reason men become accomplished at anything at all is a means to an end. Maybe the whole idea was to get chicks in the first place, if only subliminally. What’s the point of getting fame and fortune if you can’t get chicks?

History is rife with examples of women being the cause of men doing strange things. I’m sure the ancient Greeks were annoyed at having to put themselves out to get Helen back from the Trojans. Musta been some babe.

Before then, (or was it after?): Cleopatra was enough of a prize to send armies off to war as well. As an aside, the French philosopher Blaise Pascal opined that Cleopatra’s nose was what got the guys all aflutter in those days. Nose fetishes have apparently fallen from favor over the past few thousand years.

Queen Isabella of Spain probably sighed over dinner that she could use some extra spice on her paella and of course, Chris Columbus said, “I’ll go!”.

In our recent times, this whole notion is supported by the lyrics to Dire Straits’ mocking of musicians in their classic song “I want my MTV”,

“…Now look at them yo-yo’s, that’s the way you do it
You play the guitar on that MTV
That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it
Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free
Now that ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it
Lemme tell ya, them guys ain’t dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb…”

These guys spoke the truth like my buddy Randy after the 3rd glass of wine. There’s very little original talent in most ‘rock bands’ which means the only reason to get into the yell and scream on stage business is for the chicks.

Politicians, a wacko lot in aggregate but supposedly saner than atheletes or musicians are not immune to their basic urges either. Hilary’s husband pops to mind of course, as does Gary Hart and John Edwards, both presidential candidates for the Dems. Not to be left out, Republican Mark Sanford went jungle, literally, by declaring his love for an Argentinian mistress.

The Muslim faith may have so many fanatical adherents because of this same principle. It’s astounding the pervasiveness of this faith when, during life, the concerns of women are so suppressed in their culture. How can a culture be strong and benign if it doesn’t treat mothers, sisters and daughters with deference? It’s only in the afterlife that you get 20 virgins! We can now see the draw here for young men willing to assume the fuse postion.

Seen from this perspective, it all makes sense now.