As IF Times

link P&G Razor Launches in Recession’s Shadow – WSJ.com.

This is truly what makes America tick.  Never mind the weighty issues of the day, annoying things such as unemployment, depleted pension funds, collapsing currency, nuclear nations, far away wars, none of that stuff.  What men prize most above all is a close shave.

According to the website, about.com, the patent for the ‘safety’ razor was issued in 1904 to King C. Gillette, ushering in whole new way for men to make themselves presentable.  Until this point in history, men had to endure the fickleness of shearing off facial hair with various kinds of sharpened knives and until Gillette’s invention, a straight razor.  I don’t know about anyone else, but the thought of sitting in a barber’s chair all lathered up while he goes at your face and throat with one of those sharpened blades makes me tense up like a fat guy at a cannibal convention.

Before the invention of the safety razor, it’s amazing that men bothered to shave at all.  Even with a safety razor, it was not unusual for men’s faces to appear as if they had been using their faces to fight cats, with red slashes and nicks aplenty.  The interesting part of the Gillette story is the idea planted in his head by William Painter, the inventor of the crown cork bottle cap.  Painter told Gillette that the real money was to be made by selling your product over and over again to the same satisfied customer.  Sheer genius really.  Thus was born the now famous “razor blade” business model, though as we see, it should  really be called the bottle cap model.

Gillette spent money and research to develop the type of steel needed to satisfy his business model, consequently factories were built, people were employed and with a military contract in hand, the rest as they say, was history.  From an idea to a business dynasty.  Fast forward a little more than 100 years.  Even with the invention of electric razors of all kinds, the razor blade business is still pretty vigorous.   According to the linked article, sales of Fusion, Proctor and Gambles’s top selling razor, contributes over $1 billion dollars of sales a year to Gillette’s parent company.  The product itself has evolved substantially from the 1904 model.  Over the years, there have been multiple blades added to the device which now stands at 4 or 5 on some of the recent iterations.   I can’t remember exactly how many, suffice to say, you are essentially shaving with venetian blinds.

The real challenge though will be how they propose to sell this.  The article states that the blades will sell for almost $17 for a 4 blade package.  Not exactly shave and a haircut, 2 bits as per the old ditty.  Seems like a lot of scratch to scratch your face.  I suspect women will be as likely to purchase at this price point as men, since at $17 bucks, a case of beer may be the stronger pull.  However you can never count out a company that has been successful for well over a hundred years on ingenuity of marketing alone.  Now about those nose hairs…..

link American Idol producers want Howard Stern to replace Simon Cowell as judge – NYPOST.com.

It’ll never happen.  Unless of course, Fox wishes to completely torpedo the succesful franchise.  American Idol was originally created as a program showcasing the emotional journey and talent of aspiring singers.  From very early on in the series, the drama surrounding the judges commanded as much buzz as the weekly display of talent itself.  Simon Cowell legitimately became the anchor for the show with his acerbic but honest critiques.  Randy and Paula played supporting roles but nonetheless, the show is now missing something with the departure of Ms. Abdul, despite her questionable judging abilities.   It became popular sport to watch her every week just to see what kind of train wreck she would display in her rambling commentaries.

The departure of Simon will be fatal to the show and especially if Mr. Stern is brought on board to replace Simon.  Firstly, Stern is a boor.  Secondly and most damning, he is not entertaining.  His brand of entertainment is so crass and without any redemptive value that the show’s ratings would crater like an NBC drama series. Besides, it’s supposed to be a talent contest.  The only thing Howard knows is the general difference between C, D and double D.   Idol has always been mainstream.  Howard Stern is the antithesis of mainstream. No doubt he must have a fan and audience base since Sirius radio was dumb enough to pay him $100 million a year as the anchor for their business model.   A model which has bled money from day one and is barely viable now.

Hard to deny that crassness and sophomoric “humor” sells though.  A number of entertainers have as their trademark shtick, the obnoxious, juvenile, over the top goofiness that is reminiscent of a spoiled teenager.  If in fact, they were teenagers, you could at least remark condescendingly, ” how sweet”.   The fact that many of these entertainers are well into middle age and still try to pass off  rudeness as precociousness is tiring at best, pathetic at worst.  Guys like Letterman, Stern and some others are reaching way past their demograhic when trying to be edgy for the 20 to 30 set.  Conan may be able to throw out the sexual double entendres, but when the Sterns and Lettermans do it, it’s just creepy and lecherous. 

If someone’s willing to pay Howard Stern $100 million bucks because he’s “entertaining”, that tells you that there’s a bear market in talent.  Couldn’t they just outsource a younger obnoxious host from say, India? Or China?  The networks would save a lot of money and the funny accents alone would be an audience draw.  They can bring Stern’s crassness to the judging as in:

“Begging your pardon, but you have no talent, please to show us your bosoms.”

It’s safe to say that in the entertainment racket, audience is everything and with the imminent departure of Simon Cowell, Fox is looking to get someone with some sizzle to maintain ratings.  Howard doesn’t seem to be the right guy to nail the 13 to 25 female demographic…in a manner of speaking.   Besides, it looks like some publicity ploy to get more money from Sirius. If Stern is considered, why not Bill Clinton, or Hugh Hefner? They would bring as much buzz to the show and both have better haircuts.  On second thought, none of the above are suitable.  No males would ever win.