As IF Times

link Weep for Johnson if you must, but rules are rules – Golf, PGA Tour – CBSSports.com PGA.

The cruelest of all sports.  Once again, Dustin Johnson’s unfortunate end at this year’s PGA golf championship underlines the love/hate emotions that enslave all participants to the game.  Golf as an allegory to life has been written about dozens of times over the years I’m sure.  There is no sport that requires as much acuity of mind as well as dexterity of skill as golf.   But what truly sets this sport apart from all others is the underlying fairness of the rules and the honorable observance of the rules by all participants.  

Each player is expected to abide by a specific set of rules for play and conduct and any transgressions are met with the appropriate penalty, from loss of strokes, loss of hole, or loss of match.   As trivial as this sounds to non golfers, the very rigidity of the rules of golf is precisely the charm and draw of the sport.  Far from elitist, golf extolls the most egalitarian rules structure.  There are no preferential rules.  As in Johnson’s case, the rules apply whether you are leading and in contention or not.  They apply to the top name players as well as to more journeymen players.  Golfers may recall years ago that golfer Craig Stadler was penalized strokes for placing a towel under his knees when he had to bend down to make a shot from under a tree.  It was ruled that he was ‘building his stance”.  As well, there was the incident when Paul Azinger, standing in some water just off the fairway, moved a pebble that was under his shoe in order to get a firm stance.  A viewer actually called in that infraction and he was penalized.

Some of the most painful and heartbreaking decisions were made upon golfers doing the most mundane thing, turning in their scorecards AFTER the round was completed.  It happened to Michelle Wie recently, but the most painful was in 1968 during the Master’s Tournament.  From AboutGolf.com:

“…In 1968, Aaron was the playing partner of Roberto De Vicenzoin the final round. De Vicenzo should have gone into a playoff with Bob Goalby, but Aaron wrote down an incorrect score on De Vicenzo’s scorecard and De Vicenzo failed to catch the mistake. When De Vicenzo signed and turned in the incorrect score, he was penalized and dropped out of the playoff, giving Goalby the win…”

In golf, rules are rules and the inflexibility of such rules has contributed mightily to the integrity of the game and to the records and achievements of generations of players.  Essentially, the rules state that the player and no one else, is responsible for his outcome.  They  could not blame their results on the weather, on other players, on bad luck, on society, on bad upbringing or ignorance.  No amount of whining or lobbying would change the outcome if unfavorable.  The player alone determines his own fate.  What happens during the round as far as bad bounces or bad lies were considered “the rub of the green” and no quarter was given by other contestants for this reality.  There is no “should be” in golf.  In fact, if a player knowingly impinges upon the rules, he is obliged to call an infraction upon himself, whether anyone else notices or not.  It is after all, a gentleman’s pursuit. 

If only this kind of decorum occured in the real world.  As if.

link FOXNews.com – Al Qaeda, Apparently Short on Funds, Calls for Donations in Third Recent Appeal.

“Hey Abdul, what about a telethon to raise funds?”

“You idiot Ahmed, we can’t have telethons, the Americans will triangulate our positions and besides, cable service is hard to get in caves”

“You have a point Abdul.  How about running info-mercials with some sympathy evoking theme?  I’ve seen these in the West when I was going to school there.  We can show images of a sad young man, Mahmoud, who is despondent because all of his other pals have the money to be suicide bombers, but he has none.  We can get sympathy from the public because he will be the only one without access to 72 virgins!”

“That still costs money.  Do you realize how much it costs for a spot on Afghanistan Idol? Especially now that they have that kid on there doing rap versions of the Koran.  He’ll get a record deal for sure.  That girl doing the Britney Spears knock off is iffy.  What in Allah does If You Seek Amy mean anyway? Kids these days.  When I was a boy, all we wanted to do was to serve Allah, now all they care about are Ipods and music.  We should blow up Apple’s headquarters in Cupertino just to show ’em.”

“Can’t we just hit the Saudis up for dough like we usually do?”

“They’re reluctant to spend now that real estate is collapsing there, something about leverage.  Selfish bastards.  We can’t get a few more bombs because the Prince needs a new addtion for his 14th wife who needs more room.  Hello! Why not stop at 12 wives like every one else?  Always trying to keep up appearances.  I see where their kids are crashing Lambos in London, but they can’t fund another container of RPG’s for us?

“Hey Abdul, why can’t we be the ones living in London driving Lambos and living like international playboys?”

“Ahmed, don’t you remember what we’ve been told?  They are the ones suffering by living among infidels and whores; spending money, living in palaces and having dozens of girlfriends.  That is the suffering they must endure.  At the end of it all, we are luckier, because we get 72 virgins.  They will get a lesser, pro-rated amount.  We are the greater warriors for the cause.”

“Those poor bastards.”

“Besides, they have to spend  big money to get houses, cars and girls.  We can get all that stuff for free…just go to California.”

“Hey, speaking of California, don’t all the entertainment idiots live there in Hollywood?

“Yes why?”

“Maybe we can get THEM to raise money for us!  They love Castro and Chavez, why not us?”

“Hmmm……”