As IF Times

link EXCLUSIVE: Porn Star Shopping Alleged Tiger Woods Sex Tape To XXX Company Vivid — Top Level Talks Today | Radar Online.

This story underscores people’s natural inclination towards capitalism and entrepreneurship.  Our poor gal, Devon James, not seemingly endowed with anything other than an inability to say no, decides to try her hand at business.  Technically, she had always been self employed, but the tryst with Tiger presented an opportunity to make revenue in bunches rather than the way she would normally do it: piece by piece as it were.

She now claims that there is a video tape of Tiger and herself in, how shall we say,  flagrante delicto.  After performing an intricate series of calculations involving present value, interest rates, exchange fluctuations and moon phases, she concludes that the value of this tape is worth at least $350,000.  Nobody should snicker at this because the calculations for all collectible art are made in more or less the same way.  Apparently, porn distributor Vivid Entertainment would be interested at this price level. Or perhaps even Tiger himself for posterity.  He can file it under PRO-AMS, where in this case, he would be the amateur.

The factor of potential embarrassment to Tiger may be one of the factors in determining the $350,000 price tag for the cinematic treasure and  that’s a fair bit of change, certainly more than any movie Michael Moore will make again.  This of course begs the question, why would Tiger be embarrassed?  This whole episode has already cost him his marriage plus a few hundred million dollars plus perhaps a place in history. So what would embarrass him? That he had carnal relations with a woman?  Hardly embarrassing.  The world didn’t think he dated these women to talk swing changes.  Would he be embarrassed about perhaps physical shortcomings?  Unlikely.  Tiger is not known to leave his putts short.  I think perhaps the only thing that could be seen as possibly embarrassing is if he insisted the gals put on Phil Mickelson masks.  In that case, $350,000 may be cheap.

But you can’t blame a gal for trying.  With her loose lips and resultant declining client list, another major may be hard to get in her lifetime.  Tsk tsk to poor Tiger.  He shouldn’t have been playing out of bounds.

link  UN to appoint space ambassador to greet alien visitors – Telegraph.

This only sounds preposterous at first.  The more you think about it, the more ridiculously laughable this becomes.  Let’s put aside for a moment the possibility of extra terrestrial aliens arriving one day to contact earth.  I think we can all accept that.  Actually it’s almost preposterous to think that aliens haven’t already visited at one time or another over the centuries for a long weekend or just a curiosity stop.  But assuming that they haven’t and the first upcoming visit is novel, do we really want someone from the U.N. as our contact person?

Does it make sense to allow some U.N. goofball to intone,  “Welcome to earth, how was your trip?”  He would be as representative of earthlings as Ru Paul would be of women.  What if they came in a huge gas guzzler? Would they be allowed to land?  What if they just needed to fill up with some fluids and decided to empty say, Lake Erie?  What if all they needed was some food, so they take some Wildebeest, some hogs and oh maybe some truckloads of Asians, since there seems to be plenty of those. 

Let’s not kid ourselves, no one is going to give a rat’s ass if aliens appear unless, a) they bring some cool souvenirs, like transmogrifiers or time travel boxes, or b) they threaten humankind, in which case, everyone’s on their own.  When the aliens offer the cliche line, ” Take me to your leader”,  it will be met with bemused stares, especially if they land in Los Angeles, in which case, they’ll be introduced to some gang guy named Chico.  Actually, landing anywhere on the coasts of the U.S. would not create a stir at all since any strangeness of appearance would blend right in with the locals.

If they land in Texas, they’ll probably get shot at since they’re funny looking foreigners.  If they happen to land in China, God help them because someone is going to try to eat them.  Meanwhile, how will this U.N. ambassador train for his role?  Will he start learning to speak in clicks and pops?  Will he learn to play music and lights as per the movie Close Encounters Of The Third Kind?  Where would he learn alien etiquette? Are their women good looking?  I offer an idea as to how we can impress them with our advanced civilizations.  Give them our visionary politicians as a going away gift.  Al Gore pops to mind. At least we’ll find out if they have a sense of humor.