Wasn’t me
link ‘Not Guilty’ Plea Entered for Christmas Day Bombing Suspect – WSJ.com
The morphing of the idea of due process in law from a means by which innocent people would not be unduly incriminated to one that is essentially absurd theatre for the legal community is on grotesque display with today’s plea by the undie bomber.
We have become accustomed by now to use the neutral words, ‘the suspect’ or the ‘alleged’ crime in reference to perp deeds. We have been brainwashed to go along with the idea of presumed innocence in reference to the status of crooks. Our hero, the most recent would be human fuse has been accorded all the legal help necessary in order to protect his rights. Naturally, the plea today in the court appearance was, not guilty. What a shock.
I’m certain no one is more bemused than the perp. Imagine his one legal phone call back to the gang back at the fuse factory:
Umar, “Mohammed? Hey, what up, it’s me Umar. Not bad, not bad. Hey I’m here in the U.S. now, kinda unexpected”
Other side, “Bwanh bwanh bwanh?”
Umar, “Yep, a bit of snow, that Al Gore guy’s full of, well never mind, but they got me in a jail here in DE-troit.”
Other side, “Bwanh?”
Umar, “Uh huh, yeah, I kinda screwed up the assignment, stupid lighter wouldn’t light, musta been made in China or something. Anyways, I was a bit nervous and a bit nauseous, the guy beside me had some bean burritos. So I got a bit of the stuff to light, but it didn’t blow, all it did was burn my hair down there. Man that smarts. We should wax before we do this in the future.
Other side, “Bwanh bwanh bwanh!!”
Umar, “Hey, I tried man, but some guys jumped me and tied me to a stretcher. I thought I was a goner. When we landed, they doctored me up and put me here in this jail cell. It’s actually not bad, food’s better than at home, running water, basketball with the brothers and TV. Hey, by the way, American Idol’s on next week..”
Other side, “Bwanh bwanh!!!”
Umar, “Hey, I’m just sayin! Anyway, the lawyer said I don’t have to say a thing and I can plead not guilty!”
Other side, “HAHAHAHA!!”
Umar, “I know! So apparently, I’m only the suspect in the alleged bombing. They must be trying to pin this on someone else, I mean, there were 300 other people on the plane! Maybe I was just holding the explosives for someone else. I do recall my father beating me once, I can claim bad childhood. I went to school in the UK? Well I can say I was unloved. And, don’t forget, we can always play the race card!”
Other side, “Bwanh, bwanh”
Umar, “Yeah, it’s better than we thought, if we fail, they treat us pretty good, no awkward questions, no fingernails pulled, pretty lame. Actually, the worse that can happen to me is I sit around in a nice facility for a few years. Although, frankly, Guantanamo is better than Illinois, that does suck. Hey, gotta go, they want me, apparently I might get on Larry King or MSNBC, so keep an eye out. Say hi to the gang, call later.”