As IF Times

link King crabs invade Antarctica.

Pessimists everywhere.  Recently, in our town, a restaurant held a special on king crab at the tempting price of only $16.80 per pound.  So for a 10 pound crab fest, it would set the diners back $168, plus of course, other dishes, taxes and tip.  Needless to say, this delicacy can be made much more affordable to the masses if only the product were more plentiful.  Well whaddya know, word comes now that a virtual geyser of king crabs are making an appearance in Antarctica.  How does the media react to this potential culinary bonanza?  What else, with hand wringing over global warming!

If it were reported that the amount of king crabs taken off the Alaska coastline were declining, these same idiots would be moaning about global warming causing their demise.  The remaining hard core constituency who continually bleat about global warming being at the root of every weather, environmental and natural anomaly are pushing their credibility not just on their views,  but on their very sanity.  It may have been fashionable years ago to be riding the global warming bandwagon along with the movie stars, singers and political poobahs.  But that bandwagon has lost it’s cachet and resembles an oxcart now that saner people have scrutinized the laughable claims.  Try this the next time somebody starts speaking on a global warming issue on TV.  Turn off the sound.  Without even knowing what they are actually talking about, they will all have that crazed look about them.  You know we’re talking about you Al.  The spokesmen for this ’cause’ increasingly resemble snake oil salesmen hawking electric dog polishers on late night television infomercials.  Only twirly moustaches on these people would make it more obvious.

What if whales starting showing up in bunches in Antarctica?  Long regarded as noble, lovable and of course endangered creatures, their supposed declining numbers have been documented for decades.  What if they started congregating in large numbers, eating up valuable krill and endangering shipping routes?  At what point would the nutters say, “hmm, maybe we should eat some of those guys”?  A little while ago, another study sounded the alarm that there were fewer bees around.  Apart from how they even were able to count them, what is the link to global warming?  Why are shortages of bees and an abundance of crabs both not good?  What if we had a shortage of king crabs and an excess of bees?  Surely they both play some role in the complex ecosystem?

You can’t stop the deranged from believing what they believe.  Sane people however, can turn a deaf ear to their moaning.  And get ready to eat some cheap king crab.  Maybe global warming will also cause a bountiful burgundy grape harvest in the Bordeaux region.  No whining then I’d bet.

link Superman Renounces U.S. Citizenship in Action Comics #900 – ComicsAlliance | Comic book culture, news, humor, commentary, and reviews.

That’s a lot of chutzpah for an illegal alien.  As many may recall, our hero was found in a field by farmers Martha and Jonathan Kent when his spaceship first crashed to earth.  Possessed of the American spirit of hospitality and mercy, the Kents raised the young lad on that farm and he was instilled with those same American values.  Luckily, he did not land in an area frequented by headhunters or else he could have wound up being a very hard to digest main course.

Those traditional values were articulated as, truth, justice and the American way and they served as the moral compass for the newly named Clark Kent for most of his adult life.  Rather than enter practical fields of medicine or engineering, Clark decided that newspaper reporting would be a good career and cover for his real passion.  Which was beating up bad guys.

Although he did occasionally have to save the world from the odd threat from diabolical and genius villains, for the most part, he stuck to problems that affected the west.  Over the years, he came to be roundly criticized for allowing poverty and crime to continue unabated in other parts of the world, namely Africa, the Middle East and especially recently, Mexico.  Of course, having super thick skin, he was unmoved by such barbs.

Recently however,  while attending  a university lecture by a certain New York Times columnist, he was by coincidence  exposed to some kryptonite which was housed in the next room which happened to be a geology lab.  In this weakened state, his brain was attacked by the drivel that was offered by the columnist.  Because these lectures are typically lengthy and this one was mercilessly long winded, the effect on his brain was serious and perhaps irreparable.   He began to watch The View and sympathizing with Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg, often weeping over episodes.  The attack on his brain was horrific.

The hard wired concepts of truth, justice and the American way were supplanted by the viruses of entitlement, segregation and doublespeak.  Superman’s effectiveness actually came to be questioned over the past few years.  With the onset of technology as well as his increasing age, his speed only managed to match that of a speeding bullet, locomotives became more powerful and often he would have to take 2 bounds to leap  the newer, much taller buildings.  In addition, very few of his criminal collars ever stayed in jail because they were released by the leaky justice system.  Some thought that his renouncement of citizenship was  hollow since his utility was already becoming dated.

Newer problems may arise when they search for his original citizenship papers.  John and Martha Kent are conveniently deceased and there are no records of his live birth.  No doubt he will be asked some uncomfortable questions.  It is expected that he will  be obligated to turn in his leotard and cape.  It is unclear where Superman will go after his disavowal of the U.S..   Canada is thought to be a logical destination, but his history of violence may deter his citizenship.    They don’t punish criminals in Canada, but instead prefer to scold them and then to make taxpayers pay for rehabilitation.  Accepting Superman as a citizen would be sure to rile the folk in that peaceful nation.  A reality show is thought to be in the works.