As IF Times

link Tiger Woods still the game’s biggest earner despite 2010 woes – Yahoo! News.

An alien who just lands on earth scans the news to determine those who have been influential to modern society.  He comes up with the following list:

Alexander Graham Bell -inventor of telephone

Janus Friis, Niklas Zennstrom- co-founders of Skype

Steve Wozniak, Steve Jobs- co-founders of Apple

Bill Gates, Paul Allen – co-founders of Microsoft

Mike Lazardis – founder of Research In Motion

Mother Teresa- Saint

Eugene Polley- inventor of TV remote control

Percy Spencer- inventor of the microwave oven

Thomas Edison- inventor of the light bulb

Sir Alexander Fleming -inventor of penicillin

Werner von Siemens/Elisha Otis- inventors of elevator

Alastair Pilkington- inventor of flat glass

George C. Devol Jr. -creator of industrial robots

Nick Holonyak – creator of LED’s

Sir Tim Berners-Lee – creator of HyperText Markup Language, or HTML

Martin Cooper -leader of team at Motorola that invented the cellphone

Stephanie Kwoler, Herbert Blades – inventors of Kevlar

Wilson Greatbatch -invents heart pacemaker

Craig Venter- developed ability to sequence human genome

Dr. Christian Barnard – first heart transplant procedure

Henry Ford- developer of the assembly line

Vinton Cerf-one of the founders of the internet (not Al Gore)

With a few notable exceptions, he finds very few of these names when cross referenced with another list labelled Famous and Notable Heroes.  On this list, he finds:

Tiger Woods -hits balls with stick

Derek Jeter -hits balls with stick

Michael Jordan- drops balls into a ring

David Beckham- kicks balls

Sidney Crosby- hits puck with stick

Al Gore – prophet of doom, should be hit with a stick

Simon Cowell -critic

Barack Obama – part black man

Lady Gaga -strange wardrobe

Bono -sunglass wearer with social conscience

Tom Brady- throws balls

Hugh Hefner- child molester

The alien loads up the ship and leaves.

link 2010 Quotes of the Year, Top Quotes of 2010.

Readers are directed to this site for the complete list as compiled by them.  I have chosen the ones most in the spirit of AsIF!

“Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model.” — Robert Hintze, founder of dating site BeautifulPeople.com, which dropped 5,000 members who appeared in photos to have gained weight over the holidays.

“I’d rather be a really good one-term President than a mediocre two-term President.” — US President Obama, vows to continue to press for health care reform.

“I have a lot of work to do and I intend to dedicate myself to doing it. Part of following this path for me is Buddism.” — Tiger Woods.

“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems.” — British singer Elton John.

“I’m living proof that you can survive without sex for that long.” — Jim Gibbons, Nevada governor, saying in deposition in sexual-harassment lawsuit filed against him that he has not been intimate with any woman, including his wife, since 1995.

“A ban on eating would show China has reached a new level of civilization.” –Chinese professor Chang Jiwen on China considering making the eating cats and dogs illegal.

“The concepts of man or woman don’t fit me.” — Norrie May-Welby, who became first person in world to be classified genderless after Australian officials altered May-Welby’s birth cert to read “neuter”.

“Many women who do not dress modesty…lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes.” — Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, Iranian cleric, after severe earthquake warning in Tehran.

“I was also going to give a graduation speech in Arizona this weekend, but with my accent, I was afraid they would try to deport me.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger, governor of California, ribbing Arizona’s new immigration law, in his commencement speech at Emory University in Atlanta.

“Fuck my victims. I carried them for 20 years and now I’m doing 150.” — Bernie Madoff, jailed Ponzie king.

“The Internet’s completely over…All these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.” — Prince, on his plans to withhold online distribution of his new album and instead include it, free, in British newspapers.

“I thought it was gum.” — Paris Hilton, denying responsibility for packet of cocaine Las Vegas police found in her bag.

“I feel sorry for straight men. The only reason women will have sex with them is that sex is the price they are willing to pay for a relationship with a man, which is what they want.” — Stephen Fry, actor, claims straight women don’t really like sex.

“We have to pass the (health care) bill so you can find out what is in it.” Nancy Pelosi, speech to National Association of Counties, March 9.

According to many news sites, the most memorable utterances of the year were:

“I’m not a witch.”   — Christine O’Donnell, television advertisement, Oct. 4.    and,

“If you touch my junk, I’m going to have you arrested.”  — Airline passenger John Tyner, remark to Transportation Security Administration worker at San Diego airport, Nov. 13