As IF Times

link The Canadian Press: CBS Masters coverage revolves around Tiger Woods.

This whole Tiger circus has exposed a very unsettling realization for me.  Men of all ages are in a deep bromance with Mr. Woods.  To watch the fawning coverage of his every expression, to report on every expletive he utters, to watch the full screen facial images after every shot, one can easily see that CBS is in love with our hero!  Because of the blockbuster ratings attributable to Woods’ return to professional competition and the related financial windfall from these ratings, I can see how CBS executives would be rapturous about his appearance at this year’s Masters Tournament. 

But it’s nauseating.  The networks are less reporting a golf tournament and more behaving like adolescent groupies at a Jonas Brothers concert. It’s as if you can feel middle aged men swooning when Tiger looks into the camera in rapt concentration.  As a matter of fact, if Gillette decided to market a fragrance based on Tiger, men would snap it up like it was free beer.  CBS made a point of reporting the many hugs he received from his fellow golfers. Oy.

A while ago, I opined that Tiger is not bigger than golf, but I admit that Tiger does seem to be bigger than the Masters.   A scan of google news will show 3 stories on Tiger, but no headlines on who is actually leading the tournament or any of the attendant drama.  He may as well be playing by himself, though we know he hasn’t been doing that.  It is obvious that CBS is milking the voyeurs not just golf fans.

Sports have always been the ultimate reality show, since most results are unscripted and the possibility of dramatic finishes have a timeless appeal.  Now, with all the tabloid style coverage of Tiger’s every move, the spectacle becomes less pure sport and more Dancing with the Stars.  The history and tradition of the Masters is not just about skilled players.  It is about the dignity of the game and the character of the champions.  Past champions like Bobby Jones, the founder of Augusta, to Palmer and Nicklaus were true exponents of the code and ambassadors for the game.  Despite the hushed, reverential tones and the syrupy theme music, the Masters risks becoming just another cash stop on the tour.

link Cows absolved of causing global warming with nitrous oxide – Telegraph.

Good thing, or we’d have had the mother of all barbecues.  On the other hand, imagine what could have happened if the musings of a bunch of grad students got the ear of let’s say, Al Gore.  Imagine that millions and millions of cows would have their fates sealed because someone thought cows passed too much gas. 

So, consider this scenario;   there you are, a cow, minding your own business, when a bunch of flunkies decides that you are a pest to the environment and presto, you are on the green hit list.  How absurd. 

 Imagine in a Gary Larsonish world where the cows get to make the decisions.  As they stand around chewing their cuds and releasing pleasant gases, they ruminate on which parts of the human population are bad for the environment.

Well the first group on the suspect list would be those who let off the most obnoxious gases.  Shazam!  Lawyers, politicians and many university professors jump to the top of the list.  Who else blows off a lot of hot air and makes lots of useless noise?  Well, another set of candidates would be actors.  What about newspaper people?  They cause acres and acres of trees to be chopped down to create newsprint for useless drivel which then goes from birdcage to landfill. 

As cows do some more research on the causes of global warming and how to resolve it, they come to an interesting conclusion.  The rise of global warming is in direct correlation to the incidence of lawyers, politicians and newspapers.  Whereas cows and sheep have been around for centuries, it’s only with the recent mushrooming lawyer and politician populations that a crisis has emerged.  Hmm too much of a coincidence?