As IF Times

link Polluting pets: the devastating impact of man’s best friend – Yahoo! News

Headline– “PARIS (AFP) – Man’s best friend could be one of the environment’s worst enemies, according to a new study which says the carbon pawprint of a pet dog is more than double that of a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle…”

The Asians were way ahead of the curve on global warming. Turns out that having Rover or Spike on the daily specials list at McHubei’s is not only environmentally commendable but also way ahead of the curve. If you think about it, noshing on all sorts of household domestic fru frus can be a great two-fer. One, it solves global warming and two, it can alleviate world hunger.

The proliferation of cooking shows on TV these days needs some new sizzle to their tired menu items. How many times can you make beef, chicken or pork? We can now expect variations of chien-au-vin and Schnauzer schnitzel with Bobby Flay. Naturally, we’d prefer the wild pets, not farm raised. The expression, “I feel like a dog today” will have a whole new meaning.

Of course, like everything else, there are unintended consequences of a world where canines and felines are treated as options on the prix fixe menu. Firstly, having no dogs to walk in the morning will make people measurably more sedentary and therefore plumper. This will lead to increases in plus sized clothing, which in turn leads to increase in demand for more fabric, meaning cotton prices will skyrocket.

On the other hand, this may be offset by the plunge in plastic bag demand as pooper bags lose their utility. Except of course in Paris where these kinds of things are left to bio-degrade on the streets or organically distributed by the shoes of pedestrians.

We can expect to see propaganda campaigns exhorting us to be green by eating Big Red or Old Yeller as the case may be. Al Gore would have another branch to his entrepreneurial empire, possibly a chain of Cooling Dog stands as opposed to the politically incorrect hot dog stands. If we can do this with dogs and cats, imagine when we bring horses into the discussion.

Alas, this elegantly simple solution may be too radical for many. After all, most people develop geniune bonds with their pets. It would not be the same going for long walks carrying goldfish in a bowl. It’s hard to imagine girls oohing and ahhing over a guy’s cute fish while walking in the park. Our justice system would be overwhelmed by instances of people snubbing their noses at no pet laws since in such a world, it would be illegal to keep food as pets.

Let’s just stick to taxing people.

This entry will be updated almost weekly given the more than ample contributors to this, the As IF quote hall of shame, a tradition since 2009. Politicians may be over represented in this hall of shame and some in particular more than most. Remember, none of these are made up, some are lifted from other compilers; (ie www.allgreatquotes.com)

“In the long run we can’t continue to spend as if deficits don’t have consequences, as if waste doesn’t matter, as if the hard earned tax dollars of the American people can be treated like monopoly money…” — Barack Obama

“I can make a firm pledge, under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes…” — Barack Obama

“Most of us weren’t born in Amerioa at some point in our lives” — Howard Dean

“Lesbians make better parents than a man and a woman.” — Stephen Scott, of the British Academy of Parenting Practitioners.

“You keep kicking people, and people will leave. Simple as that.” — Richard Daley, Chicago mayor, saying Oprah Winfrey is ending her show because of how she’s criticized in the media.

“I wish they caught me six years ago, eight years ago.” — Bernie Madoff, jailed financier and Ponzi schemer, in newly released interview with representatives of the US Securities and Exchange Commission.

“I had to hold my nose and stop those firms from failing.” — Ben Bernanke, US Fed chairman, citing fears of a second Great Depression to explain why he used taxpayer money to bail out firms like AIG last fall.

“Why? Because I’m a black man in America?” — Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. accusing police officer of racism during robbery investigation; Gates was trying to pry open front door of his home in Cambridge, Mass., when onlooker called 911.

“When you face such an overwhelming challenge as global climate change, it can be daunting – it’s kind of like trying to lose weight.” — US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

“I am an international leader, the dean of the Arab rulers, the king of kings of Africa, and the imam of Muslims. My status does not allow me to descent to a lower level.” — Col. Gadaffi of Libya, at a meeting of Arab leaders in Qatar.

“I promise you, I get it. I will not spend a single penny for the purpose of rewarding a single Wall Street executive.” — US President Barack Obama.

“Why should I have that guy running down the country? Who the fuck is he?” — British Business Secretary Peter Mandelson on Starbucks owner Howard Schultz saying British economy was in a spiral.

“The United States won’t quit trying to destroy the revolution,” –Fidel Castro, referring to the armed rebellion that brought his brother Fidel to power on New Year’s Day 1959.

“The Democrats intend to lead the most honest, most open and most ethical congress in history.”–Nancy Pelosi.