As IF Times

Source: Venice will vanish underwater within a century if global warming is not stalled, climate change study warns | The Independent

It’s so difficult to discern reality from satire these days that they may soon require disclaimers at the top of ‘news’ articles.  Who knew that editorial directions were converging at the New York Times, The Washington Post and The Babylon Bee?  They may as well work from the same office to save money and reduce their carbon footprint.

The majority of the supposedly sober news outlets continue to bleat about the weather, as if it was an imminent existential calamity. The weather.  The Climate Change (originally Global Warming) charade survives, stronger than ever actually, despite the passage of the doomsday time window  expertly calculated by renowned expert, Al Gore. It turns out he missed counting a finger during his complex calculus and so fortunately for all of us, we apparently have another (only) 12 years before buying green bananas and holding long term bonds is a bad bet.  Time magazine just named a 16 year old whiny hand puppet as their Person of the Year.  I didn’t even know Time magazine still existed.  They’re about as relevant to news as Mad Magazine, which sadly doesn’t really exist anymore.

Everything that’s out of the ‘usual’ can be traced back to Climate Change: polar bear counts, missing bees,  excessive crabs, wildfires in California and the Patriots losing at home. But the most recent impact of Climate Change was even more alarming: Venice flooded.

Yep, one of the most iconic tourist destinations in the world experienced  a surge of ocean water as a result of storms which caused shock to observers and residents alike….apparently.  Venice has never been a good place to rent a basement suite and hasn’t been for, oh…600 years! The city, which consists of a number of small islands connected by waterways, was built explicitly on shallow lands which were subject to flooding as a defense mechanism back in the day when that was necessary.  Somehow, over the ensuing years, residents acclimated themselves to their unique geography and in fact flourished as it transitioned from a commercial center to a tourist mecca selling more tchotchkes than pasta.

The Gondoliers who ply their trade in the city’s canals are iconic and their images are known throughout the world. People didn’t just recently create makeshift canoes and started charging 200 bucks a throw. They’ve been doing this for well over a hundred years.  It’s a profession.  There are schools for that vocation, licenes to be had, rules to follow.  Gondoliers did what their fathers did and they of course followed their fathers.  They adjusted to their environent.  It’s an MBA course in making lemonade from lemons.  In fact, if global warming is a thing, cities that may be subject to flooding should send scouts to Venice to figure out how to copy their model.

It’s chutzpah for these idiots to claim that Global Warming is the cause of Venice’s imminent demise. It’s like the old joke about a boy who kills his own parents and then throws himself at the mercy of the courts because he’s an orphan.  Venice has been around for hundreds of years and will continue for as long as the foundations hold in those waterlogged basements.  We can blame that on the city planners from 600 years ago.

Source: Greta Thunberg | Speaker | TED  

If nothing else, you have to hand it to Greta’s handlers for pushing her front and center as an advocate for the Global Warming cause. Just 16 years of age and probably not yet finished her grade 10 math, she is nonetheless able to expound  and extrapolate the purported evils brought about by global warming.

Sure, we may believe in the old chestnut about wisdom from the mouth of babes, but that was before babes had handlers and sponsors and a wardrobe crew. Certainly it’s admirable for young people to have a sense of purpose and ambition beyond being an Instagram sensation, although she has accomplished that.  At least she always has clothes on.

I can think of the last famous young girl who gained notoriety for her courageous position on something and that was the legendary Joan d’Arc in France during the 15th century. Like Greta, Joan apparently heard voices, er had divine guidance, which told her how to overthrow the English during the Hundred Year’s War with France.  In a time when women, much less teenaged girls, were hardly considered worth paying any attention to, she was able to convince King Charles to give her an audience.   The court likely thought she was a nutter, but since the people supported her, he thought, what the hell, and gave her some armaments and horses.

This didn’t work out that well because she fell off her horse in battle, was captured by the less enlightened Brits and then there was that famous bonfire.

Our recent heroine Greta is unlikely to meet the same fate on a burning stake; it’s more likely her handlers will be torched for their vapidness in foisting Miss Thurnberg as the modern day Joan D’Arc.  Unable to demonstrate scientifically that the fantasy of Global Warming exists despite billions of dollars spent on marketing and propaganda, they now turn to the appeal of the children to plead their gossamer case. Why bring forth learned scientists when a 16 year old girl will do?  Heck if this works, they can copy this model for virtually any cause in society which can’t be swayed by sound logic and reason.  And it’s genius.  You can assail an adult, but you can’t be seen to be dissing a kid. Why do you hate young girls? Are you a misogynist?

Greta will play well in the primary schools where she will be admired as a role  model for kids to follow her path and convince their parents that the Earth has only 12 years left and therefore they should eat plants, ride bicycles and pay as much tax as the government wants.  After all, don’t their parents love them enough to give them a better future?

The path of this tack is predictable. Soon we’ll have Greta clones emerging as earnest voices to influence community policies ranging from straws to power stations. And also to not be rude.  Except that the voices that these kids hear will not be from within their heads. It will be from their handlers.