Venice is Flooding! Oh Wait….

December 11th, 2019 1 comment

Source: Venice will vanish underwater within a century if global warming is not stalled, climate change study warns | The Independent

It’s so difficult to discern reality from satire these days that they may soon require disclaimers at the top of ‘news’ articles.  Who knew that editorial directions were converging at the New York Times, The Washington Post and The Babylon Bee?  They may as well work from the same office to save money and reduce their carbon footprint.

The majority of the supposedly sober news outlets continue to bleat about the weather, as if it was an imminent existential calamity. The weather.  The Climate Change (originally Global Warming) charade survives, stronger than ever actually, despite the passage of the doomsday time window  expertly calculated by renowned expert, Al Gore. It turns out he missed counting a finger during his complex calculus and so fortunately for all of us, we apparently have another (only) 12 years before buying green bananas and holding long term bonds is a bad bet.  Time magazine just named a 16 year old whiny hand puppet as their Person of the Year.  I didn’t even know Time magazine still existed.  They’re about as relevant to news as Mad Magazine, which sadly doesn’t really exist anymore.

Everything that’s out of the ‘usual’ can be traced back to Climate Change: polar bear counts, missing bees,  excessive crabs, wildfires in California and the Patriots losing at home. But the most recent impact of Climate Change was even more alarming: Venice flooded.

Yep, one of the most iconic tourist destinations in the world experienced  a surge of ocean water as a result of storms which caused shock to observers and residents alike….apparently.  Venice has never been a good place to rent a basement suite and hasn’t been for, oh…600 years! The city, which consists of a number of small islands connected by waterways, was built explicitly on shallow lands which were subject to flooding as a defense mechanism back in the day when that was necessary.  Somehow, over the ensuing years, residents acclimated themselves to their unique geography and in fact flourished as it transitioned from a commercial center to a tourist mecca selling more tchotchkes than pasta.

The Gondoliers who ply their trade in the city’s canals are iconic and their images are known throughout the world. People didn’t just recently create makeshift canoes and started charging 200 bucks a throw. They’ve been doing this for well over a hundred years.  It’s a profession.  There are schools for that vocation, licenes to be had, rules to follow.  Gondoliers did what their fathers did and they of course followed their fathers.  They adjusted to their environent.  It’s an MBA course in making lemonade from lemons.  In fact, if global warming is a thing, cities that may be subject to flooding should send scouts to Venice to figure out how to copy their model.

It’s chutzpah for these idiots to claim that Global Warming is the cause of Venice’s imminent demise. It’s like the old joke about a boy who kills his own parents and then throws himself at the mercy of the courts because he’s an orphan.  Venice has been around for hundreds of years and will continue for as long as the foundations hold in those waterlogged basements.  We can blame that on the city planners from 600 years ago.



They’re Even Rewriting Fiction

November 12th, 2019 No comments

Source: Lashana Lynch will play 007 in new James Bond movie: report

According to this line from the linked story, the creators wanted to “to modernize the franchise criticized by many as being too dated and sexist.” I’ll bet Ian Fleming is shaking and stirring in his grave over what has happened to his original spy thriller stories.  As some may know, Fleming was a British intelligence officer operating in the uncertain world which was cold war Europe in the 1960’s. He likely drew from his experiences in the shadowy world of no holds barred espionage and embellished them with an active imagination to produce one of the most iconic characters in popular fiction and subsequently, the entertainment business.

As usually happens when commercial forces gets a hold of a successful franchise, the Bond mystique has morphed over the decades from being a daring cloak and dagger operator,  into the cartoon like character we now see over the past generations.  From a story line geared towards adults, the Bond franchise has devolved into films with video game like scenarios to appeal to the A.D.D. crowd.  Each film now has a gossamer thin plot line connected by 90 minutes of car chases, explosions, super human feats of agility and an exaggerated Bond insouciance.  It resembles Fast and Furious but with occasional tuxedos and evening gowns and fewer tattoos. It’s all about money.

The first crack in the franchise happened when they decided to cast Judy Dench as M.  Some may have noticed the disappearance of Miss Moneypenny over recent episodes, she of Bond groupie fame.  We definitely don’t see Bond slapping her on the butt as in the early days.  Having to write a subplot of an harassment suit into the show would destroy the flow of the narrative. Although, I can definitely see an LGBT person taking on that role in future films…or a robot…or an animal depending on the state of society by then.  In earlier episodes of the franchise, Bond had to often physically contend with brutish Slavic thugs in life and death hand to hand combat.  As time went on, the fights stretched a bit of credulity, taking on a video game-like feel, but now we are to believe that a slightly built woman will be just as good in such instances.  Okay….

We’re not really sure which audience this ‘freshened up’ franchise is supposed to address.  The latte sipping, vegan, gender confused, safe space, bicycle short wearing crowd shouldn’t be interested in someone employing duplicity, kung fu fighting and other assorted violence for the benefit of a nation…which they think is oppressive anyway. Bond used to be an agent working to further the aims of the West against a Communist East Bloc. What is Bond supposed to be fighting now? Brexiteers?

I’m not sure how gripping the narrative will be as the audience adjusts not only to a black female secret agent, but also to her driving a Tesla instead of an Aston Martin and drinking soy oatmeal smoothies instead of martinis.  On the other hand, given the PC environment and our modern reality, she may actually still be seducing women like Bond of old.  Though the plotline is not yet out, we can expect that her mission will include taking out plastic straw makers and global warming deniers.

The real world has experienced an Alice In Wonderland perversion of most every facet of normal life.  People are gaslit daily on what constitutes unimpeachable fact.  Even the most elementary observation of the sexes is now not so obvious.  Apparently sex is a social construct, not a biological fact.  As some wise guy noted, it’s amazing that throughout hundreds of excavations of ancient civilizations they’ve only ever encountered two sexes.  Suddenly in the past decade, there are dozens.  Apparently, crime is good, cops are now bad.  Single is good, families bad.  Hot days are proof of climate change; conveniently, so are cold days.  Maleness is oppressive, but males in female sports is ok.  I can go on.  That’s real life today and somehow we deal with it.

But novels and characters.  Leave them alone.  They are the product of someone’s imagination and they capture periods of history and reflect their cultural zeitgeist.  People can do whatever they choose to make current history, but leave the old stuff well enough alone.  The new breed of idiots are not just rewriting history, they’re rewriting fiction!